


Meet the New Felicity Smoak

by Fanfict_imagination, Independent-Fics (Fanfict_imagination)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3485351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfict_imagination/pseuds/Fanfict_imagination, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfict_imagination/pseuds/Independent-Fics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all too much. Too many people left her and it was time to do what she did best. She had to reinvent herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Possible spoilers for 3x15. Maybe not sure how some of this will go but I have the beginning.  
> Hey it’s me. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while school is hectic I had a ton of tests last week. Anywho I have like one other story sitting on my computer but it desperately needs edited so sorry. Its just a one shot though. But this idea came to me at, you guessed it, the weirdest time ever. At least it wasn’t midnight it was the shower. But you didn’t click on this fic to hear me ramble. Sorry this chapter is so short but this kinda just kick starts the story there will be more soon im writing ahead. But I might need feedback help in later chapters you’ll see more on that probably next chapter. Ok anyway ill stop talking. No beta so if theres any mistakes feel free to tell me and I hope you enjoy.  
> Memories or thoughts will most likely be in italics.

Felicity Smoak always prided herself on being strong and independent. Not letting anything hold her back and using her intelligence to prove people wrong and move up in the world.

 

Then she met Oliver Queen.

 

She should have known she was in trouble from the start. She knew he was lying in the beginning and what did she do? She got involved because apparently mysteries needed to be solved. She really needed a new motto besides that. That and “my life my choice.” Because apparently it really wasn’t and the only person to blame for that was Oliver Queen and his infuriating hero complex.

 

_I love you._

Yeah right. _Then how come you left? Multiple times, huh? What happened to me never losing you?_

 

She should have known. He lied to her in the beginning and he lied to her when he made that promise. All lies. And those times she fell for them because ever since she met him she somehow lost the ability to have mainly intelligent thoughts because her heart decided to get involved too. Stupid heart. All that has ever happened to it is that it’s been beaten, broken, and bruised. And Felicity’s pretty sure that’s not how hearts are supposed to be treated.

 

_Her father._

 

_Cooper._

 

_Sara._

 

_Oliver._

_Cooper again._

_Oliver. Again._

There’s just too many people on that list and right now it’s all too much. She has to handle this the same way she handled her father; diving into her world of computers. And the same way she handled Cooper; changing her hair and clothes, herself.  


So Felicity does what Felicity Smoak does best.

 

She reinvents herself.


	2. New Looks and New Locks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I totally meant to post this yesterday but in had some technical issues and now this isn’t as long as I was hoping it would be I’m sorry but after this the chapters should get longer because I think I know kind of where I want to go with this story but your feedback would be helpful.  
> Ok well thank you for everything here’s the next chapter.   
> For Oliver’s part in this story to come later should I include Ra’s offer or figure out a different resolution to that problem or? What would you all like to see? And how about roy and diggle finding out? I think I know how I want to write it but do you have certain things you want to see?   
> Thanks!

Felicity glared at her reflection in the mirror.

 

Glasses. Replaced by contacts.

 

Colorful dresses replaced with jeans and a simple tee shirt. A waitress uniform for the evenings.

 

And blonde hair. What blonde hair? Her hair had been dyed back to its original color of poop brown with its chestnut streaks that show up in spring and stay through summer only to disappear at the sign of the first falling leaf.

 

She had vanished from Starling only a few days ago, packing up her belongings swiftly. She got rid of the majority of her clothing, she didn’t need the short pencil skirts anyway, and put the furniture she wanted to keep in storage. The main things she couldn’t part with were her multitude of laptops and few tablets. She didn’t actually need that many and with her changing her life she probably wouldn’t use them but she wasn’t getting rid of them. There was Arrow information on them locked away and encrypted and although she will keep the majority of them under her bed and she wouldn’t need to use them, she wasn’t going to get rid of any of it.

 

_And now I’m thinking about Starling again. Him again._

Felicity couldn’t help it. She had just up and vanished on her family. She was sure they would be worried.

_Her empty apartment should be explanation enough._

She could still remember what happened the other day with Ray when she was telling him she was going to be gone for an unknown amount of time. Or rather Felicity remembered what _didn’t_ happen.

 

_She entered his office early that morning, her heart set on her much needed “vacation”. He was working on, she wasn’t even surprised, his ATOM suit. He apparently wanted it to fly smoother and it had taken up all his time and Palmer Technologies was paying the price for it._

_She had shook her head. Not her problem._

_She had told him she was quitting, leaving, vacationing, whatever he wanted to call it. He barely made a sound. Didn’t glance in her direction. Didn’t pause in his work._

_She sighed and watched him as he was oblivious to her presence. She had tried to help him and ended up sleeping with him too. She wanted to move on and it felt right but now she knew it wasn’t and she was disappointed in herself for having a one night stand. For thinking that someone else was willing to stay._

_He was gaining a five o’clock shadow. Again. He looked tiered and worn but you probably wouldn’t notice if you looked into his eyes. They were alight with almost a maniacal excitement, like a child with a new toy. And as she thought about it the suit was a toy to him. He didn’t realize what it meant to go out and protect people, putting their life before your own. He just saw the suit as something waiting to be made and used so he could make up for something that wasn’t his fault. And maybe that’s what Felicity was too. A tool that had been used and was no longer needed. He had gained the company. Through her. He got her to help him and to use her smarts to fix his suit. He figured out his suit. Through her. He finished his suit. Through her. And now he barely acknowledges her existence._

_Just like everyone else._

_Felicity had forced herself to walk out, ignore him because he wasn’t worth it and now after 3 years she was putting herself first again. She didn’t need him. She put a quick note on her desk explaining about her quitting, vacation, sabbatical, whatever, so he would know what happened to her._

_If he actually came looking that is._

Felicity shook her head to clear her thoughts and exited the bathroom to start her day. She was currently back with her mother living in her old bedroom and her mom was at work on The Strip. Felicity joined her for the late shift and always chuckled at her decision.

 

_“Honey I’m not sure what’s going on with you and I won’t push,” Donna Smoak raised her hands in a pacifying gesture. “But isn’t that late? You need to rest and I can tell something’s bothering you. You don’t have to work.”_

Felicity had shot her down. She needed something to do and working at night would distract her from what she would usually be doing from 9pm to 5am.

 

This was her change. She was starting over as a new version of herself. She needed this, she had to once again lock up her heart like she did after Cooper and hope that Oliver Queen wouldn’t get through her defenses again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter was supposed to be longer but I felt it was better to end it there. I promise they will get longer as the story progresses but this one just didn’t end up as long. Please tell me what you think!


	3. Little Brother Mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy and Laurel think everything's just peachy...Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys sorry meant to have this up earlier but I’ve been working on writing ahead still not sure exactly how the ending will go so on Oliver’s parts feedback would be appreciated. Not sure exactly when the next chapter will be up but again I’m trying to write ahead first and have longer chapters but the next few chapters I’m not sure about so I hope you enjoy and can tell me what you think. It seems I have been able to post once or twice a week so that apparently Is my posting schedule so its good I’ve got one this is the longest fanfic I have attempted so far so thanks for all the support!

_No, Mr. Queen. I don’t want to kill you. I want you to take my place. I want you to become the next Ra’s al Ghul._  
   


* * *

Roy huffed as he made his way into the lair. The night was unbelieveable. Laurel came in behind him, dressed as The Canary, sporting the same sour face as Roy.

“What was that?” Laurel screeched, looking outraged. They had just tried to stop a low life drug seller and they did but not as efficiently as Roy wanted them to.

“What are you talking about Laurel you were going to get yourself shot. I saved your life,” Roy bit back.

Laurel stood tall, chest puffed out, obviously trying to intimidate him. “I had him. I didn’t need your help.”

“Obviously you did Laurel! You were so focused on getting one guy the other thug could have shot you from behind. I had your back! I’m trying not to get you killed! I may not have been doing this vigilante thing as long as Oliver but I’ve been doing it longer than you have and we work together in the field and pay attention to our surroundings. The guy was baiting you and you took it. Be grateful I’m not stitching up a wound right now.”

Roy went deeper into the foundry, removing his jacket as he went and laying it down on a table as he passed it. If Felicity were here she would be the regular mother hen and tell him to put his things away. But she wasn’t here right now.

_Have to remember to call her again. It’s been a few days and she hasn’t answered my calls and if…no when Oliver comes back and I’ve lost her Ra’s al Ghul will be the least of our worries._

Roy heard Laurel sigh a distance behind him. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help me and I appreciate it Roy. It’s just everything’s been so-“

“Tense? Off balance? Crazy? Wrong?” Roy shook his head and stared at his boots. He couldn’t pin point when exactly everything got so messed up. It could have been Sara’s death. Oliver and Felicity’s crazy date. Non-date. Whatever it was. It could have been when Merlyn came back to town. Or Thea. He sighed feeling a headache coming on. They just had too many questions and not enough answers.

Laurel sighed and then chuckled. “All of the above. Any word?”

“I know Oliver said it would take some time for them to get to Nanda Parbat so that means it will take some time for them to get back.”

“If they’re still alive you mean?” said Laurel, ever the optimist.

Roy winced. “Don’t. We haven’t gotten word and I’m taking that as a good sign. What we need to focus on is this city. We have to stick together while they’re gone and just hope Oliver and Diggle are still fine.”

Laurel scoffed not bothering to keep her spite in check. “Kinda hard to stay together and work with each other to protect the city when _someone_ doesn’t bother to show up,” Laurel huffed as she glanced meaningfully at Felicity’s empty workstation.

“Laurel, quit it ok this is a hard time for all of us.”

The fight seemed to drain out of her then. “I know that and I’m sorry. It’s just been too long without her running comms and all and I think we’re friends but,” Laurel paused looking off in a random direction lost in her thoughts. “It’s just, I’m worried. Where is she? I just have a really bad feeling is all.”

If there’s one thing Oliver made sure to drill into Roy, it was always trust your instincts and right now he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Roy quickly grabbed his phone and pulled up Felicity’s number waiting on bated breath for at least the voicemail box he became so accustomed to for the past week and a half.

Roy felt his chest tighten and he looked towards Laurel in alarm when instead he got a mechanical voice informing him the number was no longer in service. Now he was truly scared. He had kept tabs on her since Oliver and Diggle left and she was never in any danger. She just spent probably an unhealthy amount of time at home and work and one day at Palmer’s penthouse (he didn’t ask).

But now staring at the computer screen devoid of Felicity’s location, he felt panic rise in his throat. He looked towards Laurel whose face was just as confused as his.

There had to be a logical explanation for this. Right?

 

* * *

Roy, and Laurel hot on his heels, stormed into the lobby of Queen Consolidated, now Palmer Technologies Roy corrected in his head, dead set on getting to one Ray Palmer and finding out just what was going on. They had just left Felicity’s townhouse, after finding it empty, and it didn’t help to quell Roy’s fears. _She wouldn’t just leave that’s not who she is. Right?_ Felicity was like a sister to him and to Diggle. And Oliver…Well he wasn’t sure what the heck Oliver and Felicity were now but he knew what they should and needed to be.

_“Leave them be kid. They’ll figure it out sooner or later. I hope. It will probably be one giant headache until they do but they will get back to each other.” Diggle gave Roy those wise words of wisdom once when he questioned why the two weren’t already married._

Roy marched through the entrance straight toward the elevators, ignoring the night guard, not bothering to question why the front doors were even open at this hour.

_I will take the stairs to the executive floor if I have to. Palmer’s the one that’s probably the last one to see her and he was going to figure this out. Or get an arrow through the knee when Oliver got back._

Laurel, a bit more polite, threw the night security a timid smile right before the elevator doors closed. The elevator ride took way too long in Roy’s opinion and when it reached the top floor Roy practically ran to the new CEO office. He was worried about Felicity and most of what he felt was anger and fear but not only fear for her but for himself. If he lost Felicity and couldn’t get to the bottom of whatever was going on if, _when_ , Oliver got home, Oliver was going to throw a fit.

He slammed open the door to the office startling Ray and most likely cracking the glass of the door. He was surprised he didn’t shatter it.

Ray Palmer practically flew from the chair, quickly scrambling to righten the wires and metals and, _was that a gauntlet and breastplate?_ that littered his desk. On the computer monitor closest to him, Roy saw schematics for what looked like a poor rendition of the Iron Man suit, before Ray quickly hid the screen.

Laurel stiffened behind him and Roy narrowed his eyes. Roy had no idea what Palmer was working on but he knew three things. It looked big. It looked important. And he bet all of his explosive arrows that he got Felicity involved.

“Mr. Palmer. We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well would you look at that mission accomplished longest chapter yet! Please tell me what you think, feedback/ideas for olivers parts or his outcome with Ras later would be amazing and thank you for reading!


	4. Feelings and Flustered CEOs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey meant to have this up earlier sorry I have a huge essay I have been meaning to study for. I hope you are liking this story and I got a comment which is fine I totally love comments and criticism but to tell you all now I don't feel that I'm going too OOC for felicity. I don't want to say too much because I mean you have a chapter to read which explains this more too but I am relatively new to writing fanfiction and this is now officially my longest one and I intend to see it through. I know felicity is a strong character and I love her character for it and the team is her family and she would protect them but with everyone focusing on what they're doing (dig with his family,Oliver with the league Thea and Malcolm,Roy with Thea, Laurel with her dad and Sara) she doesn't feel needed and has to make the choice to take care of herself now and in her parts of the story I'm really trying to show her feelings and show her in that mindset. Ok anyway just wanted to say that. Hope you enjoy!

Felicity grabbed her coat and closed her locker as she had just finished wiping down the bar, and called out to her mother, reminding her she was heading home.

_Home._

Was that where she was now? Was this home? She always figured she would never have one, never getting too close to people in fear of them leaving. Yet she met the team and she made her own family yet she feels as if she has been left by them now too. Diggle’s got a family, Roy has his alter ego as Arsenal and he now has Thea, Oliver seems to be dealing with the league and now has Thea and, dare she say it, Malcolm by his side so where does that leave her?

_Alone. No surprise._

Of course she knows she has her mom. She decided to run and start over in a new life but where does she go first. To the only remaining family she has. Although she does feel closer to her mom now after what happened when Donna visited Starling, she still feels that there will always be something dividing them and she knows the only person to blame there is her father.

Felicity sighed and shook her head as she made her way home, her mom’s two bedroom apartment not far from The Strip. She couldn't think about them but no matter how hard she tried her brain always came back to her family. The one she made for herself yet was now running from.

_Doesn’t that mean I technically left them too? So what does that make me?_

Felicity sighed lost in her thoughts as she moved between the throng of party goers and the newly married. Everywhere there were people overjoyed with their lives yet all she felt was abandoned.

_Well not technically abandoned. I ran. But I had to think of myself. I couldn’t let myself get hurt anymore. And I’m not alone, I went to my mom and she’s family she hasn’t left me._

Felicity knew her mom cared and was happy for her visit but she knew something was off with her daughter. And although their relationship was better, Felicity only came to Vegas because she knew she had nowhere else to go to seek comfort.

_I’ve lost everyone else._

_Right?_

* * *

 

Roy sighed and looked to the ceiling as if all the answers were somewhere written on the ceiling. Laurel wasn’t much better. She looked seconds away from beating the information out of one flustered Ray Palmer.

Ray was still shuffling around his desk, his back to them, as if he could hide whatever he was working on now. They had already seen some of it and it didn’t make the knot of fear and worry in their stomachs lessen any.

“Ray Palmer right? Look we didn’t mean to disturb you,” Laurel paused, the look on her face in no way in sync with her words, revealing she had no problem interrupting him at this hour.

“But we are looking for a friend of ours. Your VP Felicity? Have you seen her?”

Ray had stopped making a bigger mess and had returned his attention to them. But as Laurel finished her question his eyebrows furrowed and Roy’s eyebrows rose.

_Oh boy. This is gonna be good._

Roy took a step forward and Rays eyes jumped to him as if remembering his presence again. But then Ray looked down at his shoes and scratched at his newly acquired five o’clock shadow and, _when did he grown a beard?_

“What day is it? Monday right?”

And at that Roy’s heart sunk. It was nearly 3am on Sunday and judging by the state of his office and the CEO himself, Ray probably hadn’t left that room all week.

Ignorant to Laurel and Roy’s surprised looks he continued on,” Well if it is Monday I haven’t seen her since Saturday then? Or was it Friday I know she was at my-“Ray stopped and cleared his throat but seemed to find his confidence again as he finished,” my apartment. She was at my penthouse Thursday or Friday night if I remember correctly.”

Laurels face had soured. _I did not need to know that._ Laurel was worried about Felicity. She knew she and the girl were finally becoming friends and she was glad for that. It was too tense when she first became the canary and was in the lair. But she and Felicity had bonded over Oliver’s “death” and now had something in common; loving him and then him dying, grieving, and then having him come back from the dead. But she knew Oliver was happy with Felicity and that they deserved to be together but one, or both of them needed to be pushed, or more like shoved, in the right direction again. But they couldn’t do that if Oliver returned and Felicity wasn’t there.

Laurel shook her head to clear her thoughts. She and Felicity may not have always liked each other but they understood each other now and Laurel was worried. She couldn’t just vanish of the face of the earth, could she?

She tuned back into the conversation as Roy was pinching the bridge of his nose as Ray was still ruffled and talking to himself about what day it was. He may not be able to help them much but there was something he could do.

“Security cameras. Do you have the recordings from the past week? Because it’s Sunday morning and I’m guessing she has been missing for longer than you’ve been paying attention.” Roy couldn’t listen to the man talk to himself anymore. He wasn’t nearly as entertaining as Felicity in her verbal blunders.

“Um…yes. Yes! Of course just here.”

The pair followed him to another computer terminal where he pulled up the security cameras. Ray’s eyebrows also rose when he noticed that days date, realizing it has, in fact, been a full week since he last saw her.

Laurel pushed Ray out of the way and quickly went back to the video files from the week before. They didn’t have to search for long because on the Tuesday afternoon video file there was Felicity, talking to Ray in his office, although Ray was completely ignoring her. She then headed to her office, placed a couple of papers on her desk, grabbed her things and left the building.

“She doesn’t show up on any more video files. She hasn’t come to work since then,” Laurel murmured almost to herself than to the others. _Where could she have gone?_

Ray, to his credit, looked sick and was guilty in the fact that he had not even noticed her appearance, or lack thereof.

Roy ran his fingers through his hair as his mind whirled with possibilities.

_Was she taken after she left work?_

_Did get into an accident and is Starling General somewhere listed as a Jane Doe._

_Did someone make her disappear?_

_Did she…leave?_

Roy was scared now. They had nothing to go on, nothing to point them in the right direction. He felt lost.

How do you find someone who usually does the finding?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo! Done sorry again meant to have this up earlier but then my tablet nearly deleted what I wrote! Hope you enjoyed and please tell me what you think because I am unsure about this chapter or if it made sense.  
> PS on fanfiction.net it totally said I have 1,400+ words for this chapter and the chapter before that. I totally have to write more story and less authors note...


	5. Revelations and Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's not so excited about the news they receive...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok next chapter. And thank you all really for the favorites and follows I have 60+ follows and I am new to writing fanfiction and honestly thought this would never happen to me so thank you all for your kudos, reviews, favorites, and follows! And for guest reviewer Tsunami13 (thanks for leaving a name btw) thank you and I have been working on making the chapters longer. For everyone I just I want to make this story as enjoyable as possible even with the angst and I want to move the story along yet I don’t want filler chapters yet I’m trying to show Felicity’s side of things and then I still kinda need to figure out about Ra’s I think I know what I want to do though and maybe include more things on Felicity’s life in Vegas and people she knows or something. I just want to make this well written and make it good and long yet not drag it out because I have a tendency to ramble so I don’t want to add detail but then seem like I’m repeating myself does that make sense? Anyway onto the chapter my AN are still ridiculously long...

 

The trip to Palmer tech, although fruitful, dashed Laurel and Roy’s hopes of finding answers to Felicity’s absence. All they earned, along with their own copy of the security footage, was more questions.

Ray Palmer was a mess and Roy made a mental note to see if he could find out more on what he was up to. Before Oliver got back and did it himself because that wouldn’t be pretty. Ray Palmer was upset that he had lost track of her and almost looked haunted. As if for him this was déjà vu. But Roy supposed everyone had their demons and with Palmers latest project, whatever it was, he was trying to make up for them.

Billionaires and their toys.

Roy and Laurel exited Roy’s car and entered Verdant only to find Thea with Lyla and baby Sara.

_Crap how are we supposed to explain this to them._

Although now that Roy thought about it Lyla could probably help.

As the door closed behind them Thea saw them first and waved as she was wiping down the counter after a long night. She and Lyla had been deep in conversation regarding the whereabouts of Oliver and John when the pair walked in.

“Roy, Laurel, just the people I was looking for. I was just discussing with Thea about Oliver and Jonny, wondering if they made it home okay?” Lyla seemed to hold Sara closer to her as she looked towards the vigilantes with hopeful eyes as she asked her question.

“No I’m sorry Lyla,” Her shoulders seemed to fall at that but then she was back I soldier mode, back straight, arms rigged around her child.

“But,” Roy continued, “I’m sure their perfectly fine I can make a call to them later via satellite phone. What are you doing here so late anyway?” Roy knew Thea was cleaning up after that night’s crowd but Roy was sure that it was past Sara’s bedtime.

As Laurel went to coo over Sara with Thea Lyla responded, “Sara kept fussing. I’m assuming its because her daddy’s not around to hold her in his bowling ball sized arms.”

Roy chucked and then decided it was now or never to ask for her help.

He cleared his throat and asked hesitantly, “Actually, now that you’re here, could you maybe do me a favor.”

Lyla’s eyebrows furrowed at his shy tone yet she responded, “Of course. You’re practically family.”

Roy smiled at the comment, glad that he had his team and then some as people he could go to for help.

“I need help finding someone.”

“I’m sure Felicity would be happy to help you out. Why me?”

Laurel froze, as she redirected her attention to the conversation, after hearing Felicity’s name.

Laurel stepped forward. “You see, it’s funny because, well, she’s the one we need you to find.”

Lyla’s eyebrows rose to her hairline and Thea stepped forward, holding a now resting Sara and she inquired, “Do you think something's wrong?”

Roy and Laurel, both grateful they went straight to business, nodded their heads.

“We aren’t exactly sure-“ Laurel was interrupted by Roy.

“But she’s missing and her townhouse is empty and she hasn’t been to work in a week. It looks like she just up and disappeared but she’s not like that. She wouldn’t do that. Not without a good reason or she would at least tell someone.” Roy finished, slightly out of breath as he quelled his slight panic. He wasn’t sure if it was caused by the idea of Oliver’s wrath or that someone who was practically his sister had up and left him, like others did before. He didn’t like the feeling of either.

Lyla put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a small smile in comfort. She then stepped back and pulled out her phone. “I know a friend who owes me a favor. Maybe he can point us in the right direction to look or her. I’m sure she’s fine. She may have just needed to get away for a while.”

“We understand that,” Laurel scoffed. “But why not tell us at least? Why did she feel that she couldn’t come to us? Even though there’s a lot going on I’m pretty sure we would understand the need to take a vacation.”

“I don’t know Laurel. But we will see and if it’s anything worse than that scenario I know we will do everything to get her back. Especially before Oliver gets back, right Roy?” Lyla winked as she scooped up a sleeping Sara and waltzed out the door, cell phone to her ear.

At Lyla’s last remark and action, Thea knew she was missing something.

_I knew things have been tense. At least they were when I finally arrived into the Arrow cave and team. I had only gotten to vaguely meet Felicity a few times and she seemed sweet. But I still don’t know her all that well. Was there something going on between my brother and Felicity?_

* * *

 

Roy entered Verdant after another frustrating visit to Palmer Tech. He had gotten a call from Ray who said he happened to “find” Roy’s phone number and had called him saying he found something Roy needed to see if he was looking for Felicity.

He had said it was urgent and Roy went down to the company as fast as he could. It was a lead he had hoped and he wasn’t going to miss the opportunity. When he had arrived he was directed to Ray’s offices but instead of finding the CEO in his office, he found him in Felicity’s, waiting for him.

“I don’t know why she would do this and I swear I had nothing to do with it. At least I don’t think I do,” Ray had stuttered out. Roy, ignoring him, grabbed the paper from his hands reading a note that was typed up by Felicity.

_It might not be from Felicity. It’s not her handwriting so that means it could have been someone else._

Roy had told himself this but right as the thoughts had entered his mind he knew he was fooling himself. The security footage showed her putting papers on her desk that day. And the resignation form was clearly dated the night before. The time Roy guessed was when she wrote it.

_She didn’t even take the time to think about it. Just wrote it and turned it in. Why?_

Roy shook his head to clear it of the previous hour. All he was focused on was finding her. If this was too much for her now or just wanted to get away or something that’s fine. He just wanted to know if she was okay and what her reasoning was for _disappearing off the face of the earth without telling anybody._

“She better have a good reason,” Roy grumbled to himself.

Before he made it to the lair entrance, Lyla, Laurel, and Thea stepped out. In Lyla’s hands contained a file and Roy wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Before Roy could question her, Laurel cut him off.

“She’s gone.” Ever so blunt, however, Roy appreciated that she didn’t sugarcoat it.

Roy took a deep, steading breath as Lyla walked past him explaining further Laurel’s words.

“According to what my friend found she bought a plane ticket and then disappeared. She must have hacked Starling City Airport’s system because her tickets location is not mentioned. He is still working through their system, discretely to see if he can figure out where she went. He also went through security cameras and found a possible match to Felicity in the airport. He’s still looking though,” Lyla reassured again but it was futile because she then continued, not wanting to lie. “But other than that Felicity’s gone.”

Lyla stopped for breath as her words sunk into them all.

But they then stood frozen as her words registered to two others who had walked into the club unnoticed.

And Oliver, hearing Lyla’s final words, whispered a strangled,

“What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry meant to get this up earlier. And that is it for now. I tried to make it longer but I usually end chapters on where I think it’s best to end them. Hope you enjoyed and tell me what you thought and if any of you have things you want to see in future chapters don’t hesitate to tell me! I can’t believe what this story has become but I am very happy with it! Also what about those upcoming Arrow and Flash episodes huh? The rest of the seasons are going to be exciting!  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Confrontations and Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity knew there was no avoiding this. She could try but she couldn't hide from her forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for 100 followers! Wow this chapter just didn’t want to be written at first. But I realized it’s because there was a Felicity scene that I just had to write first. So now that my little bout of writers block is over I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 Felicity knew it was inevitable. She couldn’t escape this one confrontation forever.

She had, so far, been in Vegas for a little over a week yet it had felt like years. Everything in her life now seemed to be on a continuous loop yet all in slow motion. She did the same things every day and she hadn’t realized how consumed her life was with Oliver or John or Roy or even Ray now. And she hadn’t realized how much she missed that suffocating feeling of being surrounded by those you love.

She now felt alienated. She had so far successfully avoided ex-boyfriends, acquaintances/friends (she never really had “friends” till college), mean girls turned trophy wives, creeps, high school stalkers and the like. She had realized a long time ago when she was little that there were those who left high school and figured they could live off The Strip, making money and marrying well. And then there were those who were lucky enough to get out sooner rather than later, like Felicity, and not succumb to becoming a drunk or someone who married for money. She was not ashamed of her childhood home or her family she just didn’t like some of the people in her hometown. But she could be biased because no one ever liked her in school either. But there were those who simply had nowhere else to go like her mother who had fallen apart and picked up the pieces when her father left and became the most hardworking single mom Felicity had ever seen. And Felicity could never be embarrassed because of her mom.

But she could be annoyed by her mother. Because she may not have the IQ Felicity has but she was observant. And persistent.

She knew her mother would corner her sooner or later just like she knew that she couldn’t avoid everyone she knew here. She just thought she had longer than a week to get her life and feelings in order.

Felicity sat staring at the floor, practically pouting, as her mother set one glass of red wine in front of her on their kitchen table and sat down across from her.

“Alright Felicity I’ve had enough. Spill. I may not have a college diploma but I am a mother and we know these things,” Donna paused as her daughter hadn’t even twitched, much less make eye contact from the floor to her.

She huffed but continued on. “Sweetheart. Please don’t shut me out. I am here for you just as I always have been even if you didn’t always agree with me. On anything.” At that Felicity cracked a smile and she counted that as a win thankful that things were more open between them since her visit to Starling.

“Somethings eating you up inside. I can see it and if you don’t figure it out or talk with someone it’s going to keep eating at you until there’s nothing left. You don’t sleep. You barely eat much less ramble. All the men that hit on you at the casino? They aren’t the most polite but I still haven’t even heard an innuendo! And not only that the most technology I’ve seen you touch in the past week is the security lock at work or any of the gambling machines there and maybe the television! This is not the person I know who built a super computer at age 7. So who are you and what have you done with my little girl?”

After her mother’s speech Felicity looked up into her mother’s eyes ready to tell her she was fine. Yet one look at her mother’s firm yet worried face it was as if the dam broke. Felicity let the tears fall that she had been holding in for who knows how long as she collapsed into her mother’s waiting arms, feeling like a little girl again, lost and afraid when she found out her father had walked out the front door and that he wasn’t coming back.

Donna held her daughter, Felicity’s chest heaving with distress, as she babbled incoherently and somehow managed to tell her mother everything. Well almost everything because no matter how disconnected she felt right now from her extended family she would never reveal their secrets.

But she talked about how lost she felt and lonely and, careful not to mention the Arrow or the League, discussed how her friends were having problems and how she felt like she was useless. That she wanted to help them but couldn’t. How she felt disconnected and felt the need to change again and that like after her father and after Cooper she had the urge to hide herself and disconnect and reinvent herself.

Then even if she had been incoherent before she made sure to calm down and discuss something she knew her mother would understand and help her through. She discussed Ray and how he was so sweet and how he cared for her, or she thought he did but now she’s not so sure. How he could give her everything but how she never asked for everything and doesn’t want everything.

Then she talked about Oliver and his stupidity of not wanting to be with her about how he has lost so many people in his life that he loves her but is afraid to lose her. How his reasoning is so stupid that whenever he brings up the subject she never knows if she wants to slap him or kiss him senseless and finally, _finally,_ get up the nerve to tell him she loves him.

But her mother just holds her rocking her back and forth whispering words of comfort and listening to her daughter fall apart, finally breaking from the crushing weight of not days, not months, but years of pulling herself back together again for the sake of others, even though it hurts to think of those who have loved and left her, of those she has loved but lost.

Donna does understand. She does because she felt lost when her husband left. Of course if he came back he would go to jail but she had thought then that her world had fallen apart. But Felicity, her strong little girl, held it together as her father walked out the door and dove into the world of computers. The man she had adored, who taught her all about technology, who had him wrapped around her finger, had just decided to leave and her daughter had taken it in stride helping her mother get back up on her feet again. Then Donna remembered when a tearful Felicity had called her late one night, hysterical over Cooper’s death. But then towards the end of the phone call, even though it wasn’t very long, she listened as her daughter pulled herself together so Donna wouldn’t worry.

And now she’s here, after being in pain, Donna suspected, for far longer than the week she had seen her, and she wondered what it would take or how long it would take to bring her daughter back from this. Or if she would be able to come back from this at all after so many times of people loving and leaving.

What’s the saying?

Third times the charm.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know a ton of people were excited for broody Oliver, heck even I was, but I feel this needed to come first and I was going to put both in one chapter but then it felt better to end it here. Sorry it’s later than I thought it would be but my posting schedule keeps shifting. Schedule what schedule? Hope you enjoyed and tell me what you think! I hope it made sense too I wasn’t sure about some of the writing. Hopefully I can get the next chapter up sooner!


	7. Angry Face and Mr. Broody McBrood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Uh-oh. You got angry face."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok wow here. Totally was going to post this weekend but apparently it’s going to be now. Sorry school has gotten a bit hectic even though I literally just got back from spring break. But I aim (haha wow I just realized my pun) to post once a week maybe if I can twice and that is what I shall do.  
> (flashbacks/thoughts in italics)  
> Enjoy the angst muahahaha!

* * *

Oliver furiously paced back and forth across the floor, one hand continuously running through his hair and the other hand rubbing his fingers back and forth, wishing he could hit something instead of waiting. The waiting was killing him. Ignoring the hole he was digging in the floor he thought back to what had happened when they had walked through the door of Verdant.

_He entered Verdant silently, his quiet footsteps natural after years of surviving by stealth. Diggle was behind him as well and closed the door behind him._

_“She’s gone.” He heard Laurel say and his thoughts immediately raced to who they could be talking about._

_Was it Thea? Lyla? Baby Sara? He knew Diggle would panic if he heard that but ever the calm one in the face of danger Diggle didn’t make a sound behind him, eavesdropping in as well._

_He heard someone take a breath and although he didn’t know who he knew it wasn’t a sigh of relief he was hearing and that made him tense up more._

_We just got back and we now have more danger hanging over our heads._

_“According to what my friend found she bought a plane ticket and then disappeared. She must have hacked Starling City Airport’s system because her tickets location is not mentioned. He is still working through their system, discretely to see if he can figure out where she went. He also went through security cameras and found a possible match to Felicity in the airport. He’s still looking though,” It was Lyla who seemed to try to reassure whoever she was talking to and just hearing her voice made Diggle relax minimally behind him. “But other than that Felicity’s gone.”_

_He knew it was Lyla speaking. His brain heard that but all he processed fully were her final words._

_Felicity. Airport._

_Can’t find her._

_Felicity’s gone._

_Felicity is gone._

_His Felicity._

_“What?” He managed to force out from his rapidly closing throat. He told himself not to panic but it felt as if he was being strangled. He felt lost but if someone had taken her, God help them, hurt her…_

_They would pay._

_Everyone in the room had frozen as he and Diggle walked in and after hearing his broken whisper Roy, Thea, Laurel, and Lyla turned towards them. Each had a mixture of shock, relief, and trepidation on their faces as they continued into the club._

_Lyla rushed to John as he opened his arms to receive her hug. She then started to furiously whisper to him, most likely telling him the basics of what was going on. But Oliver didn’t hear her quiet words over the blood rushing in his ears as his brain thought up the worst case scenarios. Thea ran to hug Oliver overjoyed to see him alive and well after leaving again. However, as happy as he was to see his sister again he barely reacted as his body stood stiff and he peered over Thea’s head to Laurel and Roy who were sharing a heated look. They seemed to be trying to figure out who would give him the news._

_He didn’t care who the messenger was, he would do his best not to shoot them, but he wanted to know what he had missed. His sole focus now was finding Felicity._

_He took a deep breath, willing his body to calm itself, then he spoke to Roy._

_“What’s going on? What happened while we were gone and what happened to Felicity.” Although Oliver tried to be polite his request came out to a near growl as he gritted it out through his teeth and he instinctively took a step towards Roy, willing to use intimidation if he had to even though the logical side of his brain, which was being for the most part ignored, told him that scaring Roy especially wouldn’t get the answer out any faster. He knew Roy worried about Felicity and was probably just as scared for her as he was._

_Roy visibly swallowed and took a deep breath before telling Oliver what he knew. About the phone and tracker not working. Her apartment empty, even visiting Palmer Technologies. At the mention of Ray Palmer Oliver cringed but tried not to show it._

_If he had anything to do with this…_

_Roy continued and started walking towards the lair door, talking about a security camera video but Oliver suspected it was to give his steaming rage wide berth. But at the mention of the video being from more than a week ago Oliver froze at the bottom of the steps. Roy, realizing Oliver’s footsteps had stopped, he turned and braced himself for the anger as he watched the emotions flicker on Oliver’s face._

_“Roy she has been gone for that long and you haven’t found her? Have you even looked? You should have called us!”_

_Now Roy was upset too. “Hey! What do you think we have been doing? I’m worried about her too okay! And you weren’t exactly here okay and weren’t in the position to be called!”_

_Oliver was now overcome with guilt._

_He wasn’t there._

_Had he been there? Felicity had seemed distant but she had Palmer. But they were still friends he could have been there for her, talked to her. But no instead he had gone on a foolish mission back to Nanda Parbat only to have more problems placed on his shoulders. Then he comes back and the one person who had always been there to ease the burden was missing. He knew he missed his chance with her when he pushed her away but he vowed once he found her she was never leaving his sight again. He was now more determined than ever to figure out this whole League of Assassins mess because he wanted it to be over and survive it because he was done deciding for her and he wasn’t going to die in this lair. But first he had to find her._

_Roy, oblivious to his inner turmoil, continued shamefully, “Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. We will find her.”_

_“Yeah,” Oliver agreed, a new mission in his mind, “Yeah we will find her and bring her home.”_

He thought back on it and probably acted rashly towards Roy but didn’t care. It could have been much worse but just thinking of her always made things easier.

Of course just because he had a new mission and his confidence was restored didn’t mean his anger and bloodlust was sated. He had already broken a training dummy and had gone multiple rounds on the salmon ladder and had already snapped at everyone multiple times. He knew they didn’t deserve it but they understood he was worried and really didn’t want anything right now but a plan of action. Diggle looked about ready to make an intervention though.

He had already lashed out at Roy. Laurel and Lyla had stayed out of his way not wanting to deal with his mood. Thea, much to her chagrin, was warned by both Roy and Diggle to stay out of his way even though all she wanted to do was comfort him. There was obviously deep feelings between her brother and Felicity and wanted to know if Oliver knew of his feelings and if he was even okay right now. But after multiple warnings from Roy and Diggle she backed off, knowing when it was time to give her brother his space.

Oliver had snapped at Diggle as well and although he felt sorry for it he couldn’t really focus on anything right now but Felicity. Even if he could tell it was getting on Diggle’s nerves every time he and Roy engaged in an argument or every so often a shouting match. All Oliver kept thinking about was the minutes passing by and where she could be. They told him multiple times they were checking security cameras and that she had bought a plane ticket to where they didn’t know. But anyone could do that and they still hadn’t figure out the destination of the ticket and that just made him even more frustrated even though all signs pointed to her leaving.

But she wouldn’t do that.

Right?

But Oliver then realized it was, as she always liked to say, _her life her choice,_ and she could leave Team Arrow if she pleased. But she wouldn’t do it without telling him, them. She had the ability to disappear off the face of the earth with just a key stroke but she knew with their lives she couldn’t just vanish. She had to know that with whatever happened to her he would leave no stone unturned to find her.

But another part of his brain, the unselfish part as he liked to call it, should be glad she left. She would be safe from him and his darkness. She couldn’t be killed by his enemies, wouldn’t be murdered, chased, hunted, kidnapped because she was living a normal life, in a normal town or city, in a normal neighborhood, with her normal friends and family.

But unlike per the norm he wasn’t listening to that side. He was listening to the lost little boy who was caught in the darkness of his past without a light to guide him.

He vowed he would find her no matter what the cost.

Just as he was about to snap again towards Roy who sat at Felicity’s computers, and Oliver couldn’t help thinking he looked wrong sitting there because he wasn’t a bespectacled blond with an endearing rambling problem, Diggle came into his line of sight with a hard look in his eyes. But instead of releasing his anger his eyes softened at seeing the pain in Oliver’s and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and said, “We will find her Oliver but you know panic won’t solve anything.”

“I just,” Oliver paused taking in a shuddering breath.

“I need to find her Digg.”

“And we will,” Diggle reassured,” You know as well as I do we will do everything in our power to make sure she’s okay. I want to find her as much as you do.”

Oliver sighed again, rubbing a hand over his face.

Diggle, as if sensing his thought process, spoke up to reassure him before Oliver could open his mouth.

“Don’t go there man. I know you and I know her. No matter what she’s done or where she is she probably doesn’t want you blaming yourself for this. She always puts the heavy load on her back and wouldn’t want you to feel this way. She’s strong and if she left of her own violation we will do anything and everything to help reassure her that she has a place on this team, this family. And if instead she’s been taken then, well,” Diggle paused and gave Oliver a weak but friendly smile.

“Well then you can have the first punch.”

At that Oliver chuckled and seemed to relax minimally.

“I just wish we knew something John.”

At this Roy perked up and seemed to be lost in thought. Then he looked to Laurel and said, “Palmer.”

Laurel seemed to understand yet Oliver and Diggle were clueless. But Oliver’s face turned murderous as he muttered, “What about him?”

Roy, quickly turning to the monitors again to avoid Oliver’s dark gaze, said,” He seemed to be hiding something. He had machines everywhere in his office. Been working on whatever it is for way too long, hadn’t even noticed Felicity left.”

Realizing his words were having the opposite effect at the sour look on Oliver’s face Laurel continued on.

“The point is that we are pretty sure he’s hiding something, something big. And a big project like that looked like it involved a lot of technology. And who do we know that’s the best with that sort of thing?”

As Laurel finished Oliver was already walking toward his suit, Diggle not even arguing to stop him as he grabbed his gun and van keys.

“I swear if he got her involved in something that got her hurt-“

Ever the one to prioritize, Diggle, interrupting Oliver from his dark thoughts, asked,” Do you have any idea what it is? Who he’s involved with? What he has planned for this project?”

Roy shrugged. “It looked like it involved weapons and some sort of weird suit that has obviously taken up the majority of his time. I don’t know anything else.”

“Well then if we don’t have anything else then I go see Palmer and we have a conversation.” Oliver says darkly, grabbing his bow.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the length of that chapter. You all should be proud, my wrists hurt. Haha hope you enjoyed tell me what you think!


	8. Conflictions and Confronting CEOs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray Palmer is in for one big surprise...And so is Oliver...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! I meant to work in this and post it sooner but school testing got the better of my time. But here I am now and here is the chapter!  
> Hope you enjoy!

* * *

 

Ray Palmer always thought of himself as an observant man. He knew he was smart and may have been self-absorbed at times, as Anna always knew, but always seemed to have time for people and their emotions.

But it could have been him or just Anna's death but with his new suit coming along he realized he has become obsessed with it. And hadn't seemed to care.

And look where that got him. Two strangers in the forms of Roy Harper and assistant DA Laurel Lance walked in on him, half asleep using laser tools, saw his suit, only to chew him out over his obliviousness to the loss of his VP.

He felt like a fool. These past few weeks Felicity had been watching over him, making sure he ate, took a break from computers to protect his eyes, and _resting,_ in a way.

He didn't regret what happened between them but he hoped she didn't. Although with the way he had been acting afterwards he wouldn't blame her if she did.

He had been rude after their first kiss and after realizing that although he did want more with her, he knew that with them it might not have gotten far. Their relationship hadn’t gotten as far as he hoped it would but he knew it wouldn't last.

He knew she was distant with her history and whatever else he didn't know about her but he realized, and had an idea of, someone else had her heart and he didn't blame her. Part of him would always be with Anna as well and he couldn't change that. He could only heal.

And he couldn't blame her for wanting happiness either, even if it wasn't with him.

Ray sighed running a hand tiredly through his hair as he wandered Palmer Tech after dark. He stopped by her office and walking in saw the desk where he had found her note.

The note of her quitting/vacation/sabbatical.

He sent out a small press release when her assistant, Jerry, ever on top of things, questioned where she was. Palmer had sent out the message saying she went on a brief sabbatical to take time with her family. No one questioned that.

Heading back to his office he huffed again in frustration. He couldn't believe he wasn't there for her. He may be her boss and something else but they were also, hopefully, friends and if she was missing and he hadn't helped her when he could or wasn't able to find her he would have a lot of guild resting on his shoulders.

And he wasn't the only one.

As he walked to his desk any other lights he had on shut off. He checked the switches and tried to bring his monitors back on but had a feeling it wouldn't help.

And he was correct because standing now I'm the center of his office was the Starling city vigilante.

And he looked pissed.

* * *

 

Oliver had been on edge from the moment he had realized Felicity was gone. It took every molecule in his body not to break down on a roof top as he took the long way to Palmer Technologies. In which instead of clearing his head he was cursing himself for his foolishness and selfishness because it meant he wasn’t getting answers as fast as he could.

Son in short his mind was an even bigger mess.

But he calmed knowing that wherever Felicity was she wouldn’t want him getting hurt worrying about her, even though she might not know it but he always worried. The moment he heard she was gone every worst case scenario went through his head.

The League? Did Slade escape again?

But his heart had crumbled even more at the information that she had left of her own free will. His brain said that it could have easily been faked but his heart knew his girl like the back of his hand. No psychopath or monster or kidnapper could make her do something she didn’t want to do. Not anything public like faking a plane ticket and not without her leaving them a trail to follow.

Oliver shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on the answers he was going to get as he shot a grappling arrow towards the sky, anchoring it to the top of the neighboring building; Palmer Tech.

Breaking the lock on the rood entrance he stealthily made his way down the stairs to the executive offices. He had stopped for a second remembering the not so pleasant things he had seen here when he lost the company, mainly Felicity kissing another man, but continued on vowing to talk to Felicity _when_ they got her back. It wasn’t as if he was going to let her out of his sight now. He had lost too many people for that to happen to anyone else.

Silently moving throughout the floor Oliver spotted no one in the general area and made his way towards the conference room, remodeled into Ray Palmers office. He couldn’t find the man in question but waited in the shadows knowing he had to be here somewhere. If Roy and Laurels previous information and visit were anything to go by, the CEO was never far from whatever he was working on that kept him up at night.

Shifting through the materials on the long table serving as a desk Oliver found what looked like pieces of a suit. A mighty uncomfortable one if it was made of metal. He knew Ray Palmer was a good man in his own way, wanting to help Starling City and all, and in spite of buying Oliver’s company, he believed the man had good intentions.

But going through the materials on the desktop now, from the gauntlets to what looked like rockets and finding weapons, Oliver’s hand tightened on his bow. Good intentions or not Felicity was missing and having this array of weapons sitting around did not bode well for Oliver and wasn’t painting a very pretty picture for one Ray Palmer.

Hearing footsteps approach Oliver stepped back into the shadows and growled into the comm link,” Diggle kill the lights.”

And as Ray Palmer stepped back into his office the power cut off, bathing the room in even more darkness as Ray stopped and Oliver stepped up behind him.

Ray Palmer was about to be in for the shock of his life.

* * *

 

Ray stood staring at the man in green for a moment before putting on a brave face and faking calm. Who was he trying to kid this was the Starling city vigilante was right there and if he tried to run he knew he wouldn’t get far.

He took a deep breath hoping the stoic man wouldn’t notice and asked, “What do you want?”

Oliver trying and failing to stay as in control as he wanted to stepped towards the CEO just resisting the urge to slam the man’s head into the table and demand answers. Instead he went with,” Felicity Smoak, your vice president, when was the last time you saw her?” He tried to sound menacing but indifferent but even with the voice modulator Oliver thought his voice still didn’t sound as angry as he was feeling,

_Ah so this is what it was about…_ figured Palmer.

Ray shrugged as Oliver Queen, dressed as the vigilante confirmed his suspicions. He knew there was something up with Felicity’s continuous “long stories” and odd requests. Only a fool would be oblivious to her brain and combined with his own research on the vigilante his questions were answered.

Oliver Queen was Starling City’s masked hero. Or mass murderer depending on who looked at it. Ray wasn’t sure as to which side he was on after finally knowing who the man under the hood was.

“As I told your sidekicks earlier Mr. Queen I don’t know. I wish I did but I don’t but I will promise to help find her in any way I can.”

Oliver was conflicted on his next move but then his decision came to him and he took great pleasure in lifting Palmer off his feet by his collar. His suit was rumpled enough so anyone who saw him would just realize he spent the night again in his office.

“I don’t care what you know about me I asked you about her,” Oliver seethed and he belatedly heard Diggle in his ear telling him to calm down, hearing his tone. Oliver stepped back, releasing Palmer and taking a deep breath before continuing. He figured he should start with answers Palmer might be more willing to answer. Thinking only of Felicity, Oliver removed his hood and pulled down his mask and continued.

“How do you know who I am?”

Palmer shrugged his shoulders again in an indifferent manner. “My IQ might not be as high as Felicity’s but it’s higher than yours.”

Oliver’s hand tightened around his bow and his jaw clenched reeling in the instinct to punch one Ray Palmer.

Ray palmer quickly backpedals realizing insulting Starling city’s vigilante, an angry one at that, while deprived of his IT girl, was probably asking to get shot.

Oliver, stepping forward, was very willing to shoot him but Ray put his hands up in a placating manner, halting Oliver in his charge. “I looked into you. It’s the reason I bought your company and with Felicity’s programs and technology I used from your Applied Sciences Department, or well now my Applied Sciences Department, considering I bought the place and all-“

“Your suit?” Oliver said gesturing to the mess that was his work station and before Ray could interrupt he realized, “Felicity helped you with this?” Oliver interrupted Ray’s ramble asking the important question that he suspected the others were worrying about too. But Oliver also questioned if Felicity had confirmed Ray’s suspicions as to his secret identity. She did that once with Barry and he understood the situation was different but she wouldn’t do that, would she?

Ray nodded confirmation and proceeded with his point. “Anyway I looked into the vigilante and you when I bought your company and with Felicity’s strange and random disappearances and the vigilante entering the city after your return from your island, things just seemed to fit especially considering your history with Felicity. And she was smart so I asked her for help with my own hero work. Or rather start-up of one.”

_Ah so the one person who didn’t think we were sleeping together instead wanted to build a metal suit. Fantastic,_ Oliver grumbled slightly to himself as he heard Diggle mutter something about billionaires and their toys in his ear.

Instead of warning Ray of the pressures of his job figuring if he went through with this he would learn soon enough, or now If Felicity’s disappearance had anything to do with it, he asked him why.

Ray looked pained for a moment before shaking his head and saying in a detached voice, “That’s my business. Now I suspect you’re here looking for her. Well she hasn’t been here I realized after the visit of your comrades. I’m hacking as best I can to find her but so far nothing. I’m sorry.”

“Do you think your work could have been involved. Has someone threatened you and decided to use,” Oliver paused searching for the proper way to say this while willing his voice to remain calm.

“Your relationship, with her against you. Have you angered anyone recently?”

Ray looked at him funny for a second before replying, “We had something but I suspect it isn’t a relationship. Could have been but with her missing I suspect it wasn’t ever going to be like that for us,” Ray said this dejectedly although he tried to sound unaffected while unknowingly simultaneously making the big bad vigilante’s heart skip a beat.

“As far as I know she left last week and hasn’t been seen since. One airplane ticket bought that I’m looking into for a location as I suspect your friends are as well. I will keep you informed Oliver. Felicity and I may not have that kind of relationship but I at least hope we are friends and I want her safe too.”

Oliver’s shoulders fell minutely as he let out a small breath of air, sighing. He nodded towards Ray, thanking them before moving silently from the office.

Making his way back towards the roof top Oliver heaved a sigh again.

Back to square one.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the length of that chapter! 2000+ words I’m so proud of me! I am trying to make the chapter longer but I am trying not to drag anything out while keeping the mystery but I don’t want anything major to happen really until they find her. IF they do ;). Because then theirs angst because duh I have major plans now and this is turning out longer than I thought it would be. But I’m not sure how I feel about this chapter so reviews would be amazing and you might be getting two chapters next week because I planned an interlude to post after this chapter during my school testing but obviously that didn’t happen.  
> And finally a shout out to my own new one shot/drabble (Our Lives in Pink and Green- not sure how I feel about title but it spoke to me because of a book I read when I was younger) series I finally started and I hoped to have two more up today but that might not happen before tonight’s episode but prompt me because I’m up for the challenge!  
> Thank you!


	9. Interlude I: Cracks in the Ceiling, Cracks in my Heart, Trying to make sure I'm not Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short view on Felicity now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this was supposed to be posted during my testing weeks but with testing my schedule kind of fell apart anyway, sorry. This is short but I am posting a longer chapter later this week so have no fear! I hope you enjoy this short interlude and tell me how I’m doing with this story because I’m not trying to draw anything out or make it seem slow I just have plans and I’m hoping you are all enjoying it and tell me what you think!  
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

Eleven days.

One week, four days.

Two-hundred sixty-four hours.

Fifteen-thousand eight-hundred forty minutes.

Nine-hundred fifty-thousand four-hundred seconds.

It isn’t a long time. For some it’s simply the middle of a work week, one nearly over for those eager to spend the weekends lounging around or spending it with their families. For others it happens to be the middle of a dreaded school week that is nearly over for eager young children waiting to get out of a stuffy classroom and into the sun.

For Felicity it has felt like a millennia. An achingly, painstakingly long time of pushing through mud and going through the motions while not going anywhere at all. It’s like those times where you are lost and right when you think you’ve made it you realize you have taken a wrong turn somewhere and are still walking with nowhere to go. Because you have no idea where you’re going anymore.

Ever since her break down with her mother Felicity never knows if she needs to cry more or if she is fresh out of tears. Felicity has tried countless times to tell herself to get up, figure out her life again make a path. But now she is realizing too late that she did that already. Multiple times and it’s just not working anymore because she was happy where she was. She was surrounded by people who cared for her and who weren’t leaving all the time, without coming back anyway.

But now she chuckles to herself, counting the cracks in the ceiling, sleep having abandoned her long before, and finds herself realizing that she has reinvented herself far too many times than should be necessary and is now left with nothing but her former self.

The original.

The one that she might have kept buried all this time because she wasn’t needed. Had no place.

Felicity is now, again, the mousy haired, scared little girl who wouldn’t ever let anyone get too close.

It never mattered anyways.

Knowing one day it wouldn’t matter how close they got because she knew they wouldn’t be there for her when she needed them most.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have gone on my tumblr (independentpics) it obviously doesn’t match my user name here so I’m not sure if one or the other will change (I just had this name because I wanted to have a ff account) but just a warning if it does!


	10. Darkness and Discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I’m a liar I meant to have this up by last Sunday at the latest but as you can see that didn’t happen because I hit a little writer’s block. But I got it now and just know schedule wise you will get one to two chapters per week but until I am out of school there is no set day for the updates per week. I hope you understand. Flashbacks and thoughts are in italics.  
> Hope you enjoy!

           

* * *

Oliver’s days felt bleak. It was like looking towards the horizon with no way of knowing when the light would come through the clouds. It was all dark and, to him, just another storm in his life.

What was the saying?

You never know what you had until it was gone.

            Oliver missed her. Everything about her. It had been days since confronting Ray Palmer and a few weeks since he had actually seen her, been in her magnetizing presence. He tried to recall her smile, her laugh. But his heart always sunk realizing it had been quite some time since seeing any one of those things even before he left.

            Oliver sighed, rubbing his face as if to remove the days of exhaustion present on it. He knew it could very well have been partially his fault. After their disastrous date he had alienated her and they had lost what they had before. Perhaps he had been so nervous about asking her on that date because a part of him knew that if it went wrong, if he messed up, he could lose her entirely. He lost her friendship it seemed after that, then her trust after dying then coming back to life only to work with Malcom Merlyn of all people. And now he feel like an idiot for pushing her away in the first place because he has _physically lost her_ and now he feels like he’s losing his mind. It’s a lot of things to lose and it makes him feel just as adrift. Because he’s already forfeited his heart and he now realizes that she unknowingly had it with her all this time. And it has disappeared right along with her.

            Oliver wiped a hand across his face again, as if willing away the dark spots, the ever present bags under his eyes as he finally shifted his body off his cot and into a standing position.

 _The cot she bought me_ he belatedly thought.

Shaking his head he moved throughout the lair, the place he had been calling home again ever since he got back, in search of food, knowing he had to eat.

He wasn’t that thick though. He knew she was his home but it’s just taken him too long to realize it.

Then, after eating something to keep his strength up, he would exercise until a) he either passed out or b) someone else arrived to continue the search. He knew he was falling apart and the others knew it too but they never said anything just kept looking. And he appreciated it. He barely got much sleep these days than he usually did and they noticed but he was grateful for their help.

            Hearing the beep of the door’s lock and its opening Oliver glanced at the clock. It was early but not too early, and he remembered it took him longer to get his eyes closed last night without remembering in horrid, vivid detail everything that happened every time Felicity got into trouble. He just hoped she was safe.

Pushing those thoughts aside Oliver turned to see both Diggle and Roy making their way into the Arrow Cave.

Roy, dropping all pretense, said, “You look terrible.”

Oliver raised an unamused eyebrow at both men and merely grunted in response to Roy’s observation.

“Did you even sleep man?” Diggle questioned and Oliver huffed.

_Seemed like they decided to talk about it now._

“I’m fine.” At the men’s synchronized pair of raised eyebrows he spoke again to reassure them.

“Really I am. I just… I just miss her.”

“We will find her and figure out what’s going on.” Diggle promised. “But if she left of her own free will…” Diggle paused hoping Oliver understood his silent statement.

Oliver did understand but he wished he didn’t and he closed his eyes tight, almost like trying to ward off the knowledge.

_If she left of her own free will then it was her life, her choice. And she might not want to come back._

Oliver’s body seemed to shudder, as if struggling under the weight of the happenings of the world around him, and all but forcing the pained words out through his teeth, he answered, “I just want to know why.”

Oliver knew that was partially a lie as he put distance between Diggle and Roy’s pained yet sympathetic expressions. He had many more questions but he probably knew why. But everyone always told him not to blame himself but he couldn't help it.

_She could have finally decided to leave because of him. She was done with him and his crusade and didn't want to die in a basement. Done with-_

“Don't go there,” Diggle interrupted his thoughts sternly. “She would have had a good excuse for leaving like this and not telling us. We are her family and no matter what happened she wouldn't want you blaming yourself.”

Oliver nodded solemnly and, as he acknowledged the soldiers words, something niggled in the back of his mind. But shaking his head he knew he had to have hope. He would find her and get answers then go from there.

Roy, hoping to move onto a lighter topic, opened his mouth only to be stopped by the lair door slamming closed.

Diggle reached for his gun instinctively and Oliver and Roy moved for their weapons, only to stop when the whirlwind that was Lyla and Laurel burst into the lair.

Diggle went to ask about Sara’s whereabouts only for Lyla to speak with a clipped, “she's with the nanny” and giving John a grin as if sensing his thoughts.

“But,” she continued,” we may have found something.”

All their ears immediately perked up as they followed Laurel and Lyla to the computer station and Lyla took a seat in the chair there.

“My contact had previously discovered the ticket but wasn't able to find the destination. But while,” Lyla paused her face scrunched up in thought as if holding back. “ _Searching_ the airports database and flight plans at Starling City Airport he was able to uncover six major flights leaving around the same time.”

Lyla paused looking at their faces before dropping the bombshell. “Three go out of the U.S.” She had said that calmly but Oliver sucked in a breath in despair knowing that if she left on one of those she would be harder to find. She could have already been off the map.

“Okay,” Oliver swallowed. “Which places do those go to?”

He questioned carefully and waited on edge of her answer.

“One headed to Antarctica, a small private plane, and if she left as suddenly as we think I don’t think she had time to buy a private plane.”

The men nodded and watched as she and Laurel scrolled through information on the screen.

“Another headed to Australia-“

“She wouldn’t go there,” Oliver interrupted. “She’s afraid of kangaroos.”

All looked towards him as if he had grown a second head and Roy mumbled, “How do you even know that?”

Oliver smirked remembering one of Felicity’s many rambles as she reminisced on figuring out about The List and Walter asking her for help and all the embarrassing things she had said to the former CEO and Oliver’s stepfather.

Oliver set his mouth in a firm line, getting back to business. “You can talk to her about it when we get her back. What was that last flight?” Although the question sounded more like an order the women rotated back to the screen as Lyla then read the last flight.

“Las Vegas.”

That’s it. That’s when Oliver remembered.

And then the world didn’t seem as dim.

* * *

 

            Oliver sat quietly, gazing through the window on a small jet borrowed from A.R.G.U.S., mulling over recent events.

After discovering where Felicity was, and cursing himself on why he hadn’t thought that of all places she would go she would go _home_ , Oliver, Diggle, and Roy headed for Vegas while Thea and Laurel stayed behind to watch the city.

There were multiple arguments on the subject of going; Oliver wanted to go alone and that idea was immediately shot down, he wanted Diggle to stay with Lyla and the baby and his argument was immediately a lost cause when Lyla went and kissed John wishing him luck and saying Felicity was family and to bring her home.

He was also outnumbered when he didn’t agree with leaving Laurel and Thea to watch the streets alone.

_“Laurel’s trained. We haven’t seen the league and Malcom’s here and Thea won’t actually be out there she’ll be safe and secure in this basement running coms.” Diggle had that tone that said no arguments but it wasn’t as if Oliver had listened to it before._

Thea had disagreed with not being able to run out on the streets but she didn’t push her luck. At least he won that argument. She had just reassured her brother that she wouldn’t get into trouble, told him to get Felicity back, and gave him a peck on the cheek and that was that. Next thing he knew they were at the air field and Laurel was wishing them luck.

_“Be careful Laurel. Don’t let Thea do anything reckless, make sure you practice your skills and do not engage the league if you see them.” Oliver warned. Laurel may have been part of his past and he was looking towards his future, namely Felicity, but he wasn’t ready to lose anyone else, especially not his sister or close friend._

_“Relax Ollie. When are you going to stop telling me I need training?” Laurel huffed._

_“When you no longer need more training.” Oliver sighed. “Just take care of each other. Hopefully,” Oliver swallowed down the fear and tried to think positive which was never his strong suit. ”Hopefully we will be back soon.”_

_“Hey she’s my friend too.” At Oliver’s questioning eyebrow she raised one brow of her own and continued, “She helped me when I was struggling with the weight of the mask of the Black Canary. Oh and let’s not forget you died remember. Again. And I’m not blind you and Felicity have had something for a long time even if you never realized it. That gives to mourning women a lot to bond over. Even when you come back from the dead. Again.”_

_Oliver chuckled to himself realizing he probably needed to stop doing that as Laurel finished. “Just bring her back.”_

His thoughts were interrupted as Diggle sat in a seat across from him saying, “Who would have thought that our girl was from Vegas.”

“She never told me.” Roy said from the rear of the plane where he was resting. Or eating. Oliver wasn’t sure how long he was lost in his thoughts.

“She told me once.” Oliver spoke remembering the horrible day when Felicity was acting strangely and slightly panicked as she not only opened up about her family but also about his.

“Of course she told you.” Roy said and Oliver’s brows furrowed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oliver questioned at Roy’s tone.

Before he could reply back Diggle said a firm, “Roy,” and the plane was silent.

Oliver looked back towards Diggle and the man’s curious gaze.

Oliver spoke quietly, barely heard over the roar of the engines as he said, “She just told me a few things once before that’s all.” Oliver really didn’t want to tell them more and even if he wanted to he wasn’t sure that Felicity wanted them to know about her father or growing up on her own with her mother.

“So what are you going to do when we find her?” Diggle asked him.

“What do you mean what am I going to do? I’m going to ask what she thought she was doing and ask her to come back.”

He was pretty sure he heard Roy groan in what sounded like frustration from the back of the plane.

Diggle rubbed a hand over his face and said, “Oliver you cannot go caveman and throw her over your shoulder back to the plane. She left for a reason and I’m pretty sure you are the one able to talk to her and find out why.”

Oliver winced. He wouldn’t have thrown her over his shoulder per say but he might have yelled at her for scaring him like this. Groaning Oliver glanced at Diggle’s knowing gaze and answered, “I know, I know but I do feel as if this is my fault. I wasn’t even here and I’m angry because we came back and she’s just gone!”

Oliver resisted the anger filling his blood stream, or it could have been worry, but he did stand up to pace the small area of the plane.

“All I’ve done is push her away and now she’s gone and I just feel really lost.” Oliver wanted to pull his hair out as he opened up to his friends and they hadn’t said anything to him either so he figured they were blaming him too.

They hadn’t said a word for a few moments still and Oliver opened his mouth to question them but Diggle spoke first. “Like I said, no matter what she wouldn’t blame you and we don’t either.” Roy made a noise of agreement from the back of the plane.

“But,” Diggle continued, “We don’t know her that well, not like you do, heck Roy and I didn’t know she lived in Vegas, we only met her mother and she never said anything. But you did, you knew because she chose to tell you that and about her past. And even if she’s angry or, god forbid, hurt, she might just open up to you.”

Oliver’s heart constricted at the thought of her being in pain but he forced deep breaths through his lungs and nodded at Diggle’s words.

“And that is why,” Roy said smarmily, “Diggle and I agreed to let you come with us to find her. Even with your caveman attitude.”

Diggle and Oliver both chuckled thankful for the now lightened atmosphere and Diggle belly laughed as he got up from his seat and fixed his coat as Oliver replied smartly back, “I can still throw you out of this plane Harper.”

After that they settled in to rest – or in Oliver’s case, worry – until the plane touched down at the Las Vegas airport, ready to find their girl.

Only they didn’t realize how hard it was going to be.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished it took me forever and I apologize but I think the length of the chapter makes up for it! Tell me what you think.


	11. Conflictions, Flashbacks, and the Worst Week Ever...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally what the title says.  
> She's conflicted.  
> There are flashbacks.  
> And this may be the worst week ever for Felicity Smoak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I was going to have this out by Wednesday at the latest. (This is still part of the week, right? I didn’t lie to KK1986?)  
> How about we not leave any more time in between the last chapter and this shall we? Sorry for the super late update (I owe you all about a billion plus apologies) but school finals come first and then I was visiting friends and got a little behind. I am also planning on two or three new stories and I am hoping to write ahead on them before I start posting but I also want to finish this story. We have quite a bit more to go on this story and I feel that the plot really picks up here and it’s only later this week because I had a lot of thinking to do on the second flashback. You’ll see. I hope you enjoy and tell me what you think!  
> Remember thoughts and flashbacks are in italics and yes my username has changed and everything is matchy- matchy on FF AO3 and Tumblr!

* * *

Felicity huffed making her way out of the bar after her exhausting evening shift. She was in a horrible mood, worse than usual, and she hoped her mother wouldn't notice. Taking a deep breath, leaning against the ally wall leading from the back entrance of her job to the sidewalk of the strip, Felicity paused. Of all of the weeks in her life this might stack up as the worst.

Except the weeks where she thought Oliver was dead.

And when she got blown up on the date she'd been waiting for.

And Slade's attack on the city.

And when Oliver-

Felicity grumbled to herself, cutting off her thoughts, and chastising herself for even thinking of him. _Them_ she corrected silently.

She sighed walking back towards her apartment complex, in no hurry. Along with other things happening this week that were horrible, one thing she had to admit that wasn't was thinking of her team. She missed them, although she still felt bitter at times at her crumbling relationship with Oliver. She found herself constantly asking herself what they could be doing, if Diggle and Oliver had returned, how Thea and Roy were getting along again. If Laurel was working on a new case, if baby Sara was crawling more. She told herself countless times to stop but now she couldn't.

She had run off and that was her choice but she was now constantly second guessing every decision she made.

_Could I have talked to Oliver?_

_Would he have listened?_

_Would he have let me help?_

_Would we be able to move forward?_

_Together?_

But she ran like she always did and she had to accept the consequences. They could have stopped looking for her, Oliver could have accepted that she was "safer" away from him and the team. And those thoughts made her stomach clench in the most undesirable way. Felicity hated feeling this way because it was all her old insecurities bubbling to the surface, making her feel the same way she did when her father left and she wanted to fix it but she was afraid it was too late. They might not accept the new her and whatever new scars she has from this, even if they weren't physical. And she may be able to dye her hair back to blonde – and she secretly believed she missed it – but she would be different. And that made her sick because she had so much trust in Oliver before but now she is so afraid.

Not of him, never of him, but of where they would stand now.

After running would he push her away again? Or would he accept that she would be there to stay? Would he apologize? Shut her out?

Now stuck in her thoughts, Felicity realized those were the exact fears she was running from, the possible answers that she may not agree with.

Felicity gave her head a good shake focusing instead on something that was in need of her more immediate attention.

High school. Or rather the people that came with it that had her mind spinning. It had started with Monica Shaffer earlier this week and oh was Felicity pissed.

Monica Shaffer was – no still is – the polar opposite of what Felicity was in high school. Pretty, popular, athletic all the things Felicity wasn't. But two things Felicity did have over the snob was she was kind and the thing she was immensely proud to have in comparison to Monica was her intelligence. The latter of which Felicity's high school bully was never happy in lacking. But her Las Vegas high school being small everyone knew Felicity's IQ, or at least those who could count that high did, and Monica Shaffer and her lackeys made sure to make Felicity's high school life miserable. It usually wasn't public but it didn't have to be. Felicity was standoffish and she became that way through years of having no friends due to her intelligence and lack of filter. And Monica's group used everything to their advantage.

Felicity really started to feel insecure in high school anyway, and she knew she was different. The absence of people who wanted to talk to her, besides those that had to like lab partners and the like and teachers, showed her that. The girls lingering stares and snickers behind her back never helped anything either and really cemented Felicity's position as a social outcast.

Felicity was lucky to get out while she could, although to some that made them resent her more.

But oh to Monica's surprise and joy and to Felicity's horror, who happened to walk into the bar while Felicity was working the afternoon shift? And who recognized her even in all her attempts at avoidance?

Monica Shaffer. With a big diamond ring on her wedding finger too. Go figure.

Felicity was surprised the girl remembered her name – after a few attempts- much less that there was someone out there that actually wanted to marry the rude woman. But then again she had also been the walking cliché of Felicity's high school.

In Vegas you were either rich, got rich, or were pretty and married rich. Apparently Monica hit the proverbial jackpot and the literal one because she was all three. And she had no problem telling Felicity all about it.

~

" _Wait a minute... Felicia – no Flicka!_ _Wait that's it Felicity! Hey, Felicity!"_

_Felicity cringed at an oddly familiar voice and started to pray. Of all the people who could possibly happen to show up where she now works it had to have been her high school enemy._

_Felicity was still praying for it to be a mistake, as she had enough on her conflicted mind already, and turned to see the unpleasantly familiar face of Monica Shaffer. The woman of which seemed overjoyed that her tiny little brain finally remembered Felicity's name, it must have worked over time for that jewel of knowledge._

_Felicity winced and recognized her internal storm cloud forming, knowing she was never this mean unless someone deserved it. But after Monica started talking Felicity changed her mind, thinking the girl did._

" _That's it! Felicity! It's so good to see you," Monica said hands fluttering uselessly about her as she talked, nearly blinding Felicity with her wedding ring that looked way too heavy._

_How is her finger not broken, Felicity asked herself, but zoned back into what Monica was saying._

" _-college right? Of course everyone knew that you got out. A lot of people resented you for that," she laughed as if it was an inside joke not an insult towards Felicity's intelligence._

_Although the bar was slow in the early afternoon Felicity was still working which meant she had to be polite. For now anyway._

_So smiling stiffly Felicity answered with, "Monica, yes it's me how good to see you. How have you been? Married I see?"_

_At that Monica beamed, a sparkle in her eye at her ring, and obvious wealth, being acknowledged, and Felicity knew she just made a mistake._

" _Why yes," she responded, voice much higher than acceptable in their environment, ready to tell her story and brag. "It started right after high school. You know Mommy and Daddy right?"_

_Felicity did not, not personally, and for that she was grateful, but everyone in high school knew of the Shaffer's wealth so Felicity nodded in response._

" _Well it all started at a game night at their casino, you know the one down the road?"_

_Felicity did in fact know it and, unbeknownst to Monica, Felicity had been kicked out of there once due to card counting. But not after getting away with a good portion of her M.I.T. tuition._

" _Well Philip Richardson was there! Yeah I know! Him! He was a year older than us in high school, football player, parents loaded because of their Vegas hotel? Well we got to talking and we went out to dinner a few times, just catching up you know. But next thing I know he's down on one knee practically begging me to marry him and how could I say no after all our time together? We got married two months ago and it's been perfect!" During her entire speech she had a dreamy look in her eyes and Felicity resisted the urge to roll hers. Monica, amazingly able to pull focus away from herself for a moment, glanced around the restaurant quickly before giving Felicity a once over._

" _I'm actually meeting him here for an early dinner. And I'm guessing you'll be serving us?" Monica sounded surprised as her statement came out as a question, finally noticing Felicity's hair pulled back into a bun and her apron around her waist, her simple black tray hanging limply by her side, as she had listened to Monica's story with indifference._

" _Please, I hope not," Felicity mumbled to herself._

" _What was that? Doesn't matter, I want to know what you have been up to."_

_That's a first._

" _Well as you know I went to college," Felicity started then cleared her throat, feeling immensely uncomfortable sharing her life with a person whose once sole focus was on ruining it. "I then got an internship at Queen Consolidated then a job and now am taking a sabbatical visiting my mom." Felicity did not at all feel guilty of that slightly white lie. She worked with the Arrow, she's done worse._

" _Starling City and Queen Consolidated? With the Oliver Queen? Oh honey why did you even take that sabbatical I wouldn't have. But I guess if you felt the need to come back and dress that way then your life is your life sweetheart." Apparently not able to not think about other men and throw in an insult too, Monica gave her one last bright smile, that seemed a bit to smug, as she walked away._

" _Oh and there's Philip, it was interesting to see you Felicity and there are plenty of others from high school around here that I'm sure can't wait to hear about you! Bye!" Monica gave a distracted wave over her shoulder that Felicity was only half paying attention to as Monica embraced her husband out of the corner of her widening eyes. She was horrified because she could barely stand Monica and her groupies then and now but everyone else that either annoyed or hated her?_

_This was a nightmare and Felicity wondered if she actually happened to think leaving Starling and her team through._

_~_

Felicity groaned remembering that encounter that started her horrible week, and she also thought back on how she had begged off work early and had rushed home, hoping to avoid anyone else, and had hidden in her room.

Very mature; she felt like it was high school all over again. She didn't fit in with the cool, athletic ones, aka Team Arrow, at the moment and decided to go back home back to being a loner and now even that wasn't working out because it seemed everyone who never acknowledged her before wanted to talk to her nowadays.

Which brought her to tonight's stressful encounter during her late shift that ended her oh so fantastic week. She had thankfully not run into other high school alumni, so far, but tonight thanks to the gossip that is Monica, Jason Tike walked in, eyes nervously flitting around, as Felicity stood near a table she just served praying he didn't recognize her. But with the kind of luck she had with this week of course he would see her.

It's not that Jason was ever a bad guy just…off. Due to Vegas High School being so small they had a few classes together, but not all of them due to Felicity's advanced brain. But her last year Felicity decided to take chemistry and, although she didn't need it, she wanted to take the course and her lab partner was Jason. Not a lot of people liked to talk to Felicity in school; most liked to talk about her. But Jason did, occasionally, even though he was still naturally a quiet person. But he was nice and he at least talked to her so that was something to Felicity. She would've liked to say they became friends but towards the end of the year she disagreed. He was a kind person but something about him never sat right with Felicity. So she was cordial and when the year was over she was happy to be out of there.

But again now she's back in town and he had to come looking for her. Why, Felicity did not know but again something always seemed off about him.

~

_Felicity turned away from the newlywed couple that she had just served desert to, when a blast of warm air came in, signaling that one of the entrances had been opened. Turning, expecting to have to seat a new costumer she froze as she recognized her old lab partner. She couldn't believe he was still here. He had a good head on his shoulders he could have gone far but he apparently chose to stay in Vegas. He didn't look all that different from high school, maybe a bit more built and he stood a bit taller than the shy kid that she had sat next to. Dare she say it he could even be a bit cute if she was interested. But she never was because the only thing, besides the occasional boyfriend, that she focused on in high school was her acceptance letter to MIT. He seemed to be looking around for someone anxiously and she didn't know anyone here that he would know but it has been a few years._

_Well she didn't know anyone here that he could know except her._

_Felicity squeezed her eyes shut and silently cursed as she remembered what Monica's parting words were earlier that week._

_Oh no please no, she thought to herself as she started to pivot away towards the kitchen._

" _Excuse me? Felicity?"_

_His voice hadn't even changed much, only judging by the amount of times she heard him speak, but it seemed a bit deeper. She opened her eyes and saw her boss not far and she knew if she didn't acknowledge Jason, or seat him, she may lose her job and she really couldn't be left alone to her thoughts with nothing to do._

_So turning back she plastered on a smile, that she hoped didn't look like a grimace, and nodded towards Jason. Who was grinning like the cat ate the canary (and she had pushed that pun and the memories that came with it out of her head) and waved to her in greeting._

_She led him to a table and he started speaking to her right as he sat down._

" _Wow Felicity is that you?" At her nod in response his grin seemed to widen if that was possible and he continued."_

" _How long has it been? Where have you gone? What are you doing back after all your dreams of college? How have you been?"_

_Felicity's eyebrows rose at the speed of his questioning, asking herself if this was how other felt when they listened to her ramble and rant._

" _Ummm," she started when he had stopped to breathe in his obvious excitement. "I'm fine, staying and visiting with my mom. It's been awhile hasn't it? And I did go to college and get a nice job but I'm on break visiting my mom like I said."_

_Felicity was cautious with her answers and also surprised at his eagerness to know._

" _Jason? Right?," because how embarrassing would that be to forget his name now._

_She had interrupted before he could continue with his interrogation because she had some questions of her own the most important being-_

" _How did you know I was here? Who told you?" She figured she already knew the answer but had to ask anyways to find out who else knew she was in town and thought the best use of their time was to come terrorize her at work. Gambling in the casino and eating at the bar and restaurant was one thing but gossiping about how Felicity is back in town is another issue she doesn't want everyone to know about. She has enough problems as it is that she needs to work out._

_Jason's throat clearing snapped her out of her thoughts and she focused again on him as he said, "I, uh, ran into Monica the other day and she seemed excited to tell everyone that you were back in town and working in the same places your mom does. So I figured I should stop by and say hello." During his speech he had pauses and licked his lips every so often and seemed to transform back into the shy kid in high school. Taking pity on him she decided not to press for more even though it seemed there was more to it._

_He was a nice guy and he didn't come in here and talk to her like Monica did so he was at least a better conversation partner._

_So she smiled and went on to ask how he had been and what he had been doing since high school. Out of high school he had gone to the local community college and then just did odd jobs. Felicity never knew exactly what his parents did, or who they were for that matter, but she suspected he helped them out from time to time. It seemed he just didn't have one job he worked everywhere. He asked a few more questions, some Felicity got away with not answering because they just seemed too intrusive and she wasn't up for opening up to anyone lately._

_~_

But earlier she gave him his drinks, he wasn't there for food or dinner, just to talk to her and that's what they had done. In the end, although her week had been stressful and she hadn't wanted to see any of her old classmates, talking with Jason hadn't been that bad. Although she never knew him that well it was better talking with him and his shy nature than with Monica earlier that week and her snide remarks that just reminded her of the voices that drifted down the hallways in high school.

Tilting her head back as she walked toward the quieter part of town at this time of night she looked at what stars she could see through the blinding lights and tried to focus on the slight breeze through the haze of the music and smell of strong alcohol. She knew she couldn't hide forever no matter how long she chose to stay in Vegas, this was her home. This was where she experienced heartbreak, bullying, loss, and joy, this was where she grew up. And Felicity knew there was no changing that, not that she would want to because it made her the person she is today.

You can take the girl out of Vegas but you can't take all of the Vegas out of the girl. Good or bad.

Sighing she resumed her regular pace as she saw her and her mom's apartment building up ahead, realizing her thoughts and reminiscing had brought her back as she had not been paying attention to the time. She walked through the front door, nodding to the night security near the front desk, and made her way up the stairs, deciding maybe the slight exercise to the third floor would help calm her enough for her to get some sleep.

Making her way down the hall way she heard some voices, but they were hushed, probably because of the late hour, so she couldn't make out how many there where or what they were saying.

But if she could she probably would have gone in the other direction. Maybe take the fire escape up to her window entrance instead.

Rounding the corner Felicity froze, in shock or horror or surprise she couldn't decide which, because standing there was none other than one Oliver Queen, John Diggle, and Roy Harper.

Roy noticed her first, as Oliver seemed to be having a heated conversation with her mother while trying to remain civil and John's back was to her leaning against the wall next to the door. When Roy saw her he did a double take and his eyes widened as he frantically began poking Oliver's shoulder, at a loss for words. Oliver, _with his big muscles_ and she cringed at her thoughts, didn't seem to notice at first still conversing with her mother. But John, ever the wise one, took notice of Roy's obvious panic and lack of voice and turned in the direction of his startled stare. John didn't have to do a double take as Roy had done but Felicity could feel his eyes burning holes in her as he looked her up and down, recognizing her immediately even in her changed state. His calm expression didn't seem to waver, but his eyes looked towards her and seemed to say that they needed to talk.

Felicity wasn't exactly looking forward to that.

"What!?"

Felicity jumped at Oliver's annoyed roar towards Roy and looked back towards him at the same time he looked towards her and their eyes locked. Felicity could see the anger and turmoil but also the relief at seeing her and she also noticed something else she didn't want to think too hard on at the moment.

He took a step towards her, arms extended, reaching, as he started to say her name in that sweet, calming way he does and that's when Felicity took her chance.

"Feli-"

She used that step he took to duck into the space he created and pushed passed her mother into their apartment faster than you could say Barry Allen, making a beeline for her bedroom and slamming the door behind her. She hoped that wasn't overly dramatic. She did leave. She didn't have to mistreat her bedroom door.

Nevertheless, she flopped down on her bed, huffing at the way her brain was prioritizing things, and buried her face into her pillow.

And screamed.

Perfect week indeed.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter ever! I’m so proud of me!  
> And I tried to make this extra-long to make it up to you. It’s a little troubling on how long it took me to get this out and I will try to be writing faster now that things have slowed down again in my life.  
> Fun fact I was actually putting Monica’s husband as Jason the I had trouble starting Jason’s story line so I came back to it the next day and wrote the entire rest of the chapter as her lab partner being Jason Richard and I’m like what am I missing? And thank goodness for proofreading or I would have missed it and you all would have been confused but then I liked his name as Jason so I just changed Monica’s husband’s name. He can deal with it. But if there’s a mixed up name in there tell me and ill fix it because that would be horrible and confusing.  
> Also I will be traveling next weekend and will be away for three weeks. But before you panic! I will 1) try and post at least (I’m aiming for two) two more chapters before I leave and 2) I will be posting on travel there is Wi-Fi just the Wi-Fi is spotty at times so if there’s an update at 2 am don’t judge? Ok? Ok!  
> Tell me what you think!  
> I really need my own working laptop…


	12. Truths, Blankets, and Her Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead. And before. Everywhere...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wifi here sucks… But I’ve had time to write more since I couldn’t post. So here is the next chapter I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Angst ahead. And before. Everywhere…

They had made it to the apartment building that housed one Donna Smaok, hoping to find Felicity. Lyla and them didn’t have to do much digging to find that this was her current place of residence and they went in, all dead set on finding answers.

Oliver didn’t know about Diggle or Roy but he also felt scared. A small part of him knew that they may not be able to find her here or that if she was she may not want to come back. That was always his fear and his punishment. He was always afraid of her choosing to leave the team leave him and never want to return. He felt that leaving without a word was more horrifying and damaging to his heart but her leaving all the same made him feel lost. But right now he wanted answers and if that’s all he could get then fine. Because another part of him new he never deserved her, never deserved for her to stay so long, always in danger and always at risk. That her gone and out of his life, a much as it hurt, as much as it felt wrong, was right because she was safe the farthest away from him no matter how many times she always said it was her life and her choice.

But she wasn’t there to tell him that. She wasn’t there to argue that point with him. So maybe, his brain supplied, she finally realize he and his argument were right. And that just seemed wrong to him and made his heart twist and constrict in the most painful way.

He was broken from his thoughts by Roy’s voice, telling them this was it and pointing towards the closest apartment number on the left from the stairs on the third floor, Oliver not even remembering the trip from the lobby up the flights of stairs. Shaking his head he watched as Diggle reached passed him in his stupor and knocked softly on the door.

One whirlwind of a Donna Smoak opened the door, she wasn’t paying attention at first as she seemed like she was in a hurry, but then she looked up from her purse noticing them and freezing mid greeting.

And she promptly tried to shut the door in their faces.

Thanks to Oliver’s quick reflexes he was able to stick his foot in the door just in time, stopping it from blocking them out. Now they definitely knew something was up.

“Mrs. Smoak? Please, we are looking for Felicity and, judging by your reaction you know something of why she’s missing.”

Oliver tried to remain calm in his questioning but his insides were in a screaming panic due to the amount of fear on Donna’s face. What was going on? He knew about Felicity’s loyalty and hoped right now it wasn’t a family trait as his eyes bored into those of her mother’s now closed off ones.

“My daughter isn’t here,” she said to them and Oliver realized she wasn’t lying.

“Mrs. Smoak, have you seen her? Heard from her at all then?” Oliver knew his voice was strained but he didn’t care what he sounded like and with the situation they were in he doubted Roy and Diggle cared either.

“Mr. Queen, Oliver, as nice as it is to see you I have the 1 am shift and I have to get going. I told you my daughter isn’t here.” Donna snapped at them and they all realized at her standoffish behavior that she was hiding something.

Oliver set his shoulders back in his stubborn nature and clenched his jaw and thus began the back and forth between the two as Donna kept denying her daughter was there and avoiding Oliver’s other questions.

It was moments later that Oliver felt a continuous pressure on his bicep and turned in annoyance away from Donna, to Roy behind him who instead seemed focused on something else. And he looked…And felt a large exhale come from him, a breath he didn’t realize he was holding most likely since he found out of Felicity’s disappearance, in the form of her name.

She looked as beautiful as ever, even though her hair was dyed back to what he assumed was her natural color and her signature glasses, heels, and colors were missing. And if not for the caged look in her eyes that he saw and he was immediately drawn towards her with the urge to give comfort. And that was his mistake. Whispering her name again he moved forward and in that moment she was able to move past him and her mother into the apartment quick as the Flash.

Recovering from the shock and hurt that was her running _from_ him, he also pushed passed Donna, chasing after his girl. He knew she woudn’t like it and his caveman attitude but if he had to he would throw her over his shoulder if he had to and demand answers. Demand her reasons for scaring them, him, like that.

But it looks like he wouldn’t get the opportunity as he made it to her door just in time for it to nearly collide with his nose, the door slammed in his face.

Not again. He really wished people would stop trying to close doors in his face. Or in Felicity’s case being successful in doing so.

* * *

 

After staring at the ceiling in contemplation for who knows how long, Felicity closed off her frantic and conflicted thoughts and listened to her apartment. It had been a few hours since everyone came and she hadn’t eaten or slept. She felt like she was in a haze and not the good kind, more like her pot brownie experience

All seemed quiet and she knew her mother went on to the early shift but she didn’t know what she told the others, or if they even talked at all. She wanted to say she didn’t care where they went or what happened to them but she would be lying to herself. She physically ached. She missed them all terribly and deep down she was overjoyed to see them. They had come looking for her and a small part of her berated herself for thinking they wouldn’t, by letting her insecurities cloud her judgement.

It seemed silent so she assumed they had all gone but if there was one thing she knew it was her boys. And their bullheaded stubbornness.

Silently shifting out from under the covers and moving off her bed, careful to make as little sound as possible, she moved towards the door to her bedroom. Opening it and peeking out she saw no one in the small hallway but peering down she saw one of the chairs in the living room in a different position.

Oh she hoped it wasn’t for what she was thinking.

Creeping slowly and silently towards the main living area and kitchen and dining room three varying sized lumps came into view in the darkness and she let out an internal sigh.

Her oh so stubborn boys were camped out in her mom’s living room. They probably didn’t take no for an answer and wondered how her mother took their decision.

She looked at them and was honestly so glad to see them. She may not have been angry with all of the per say, maybe Oliver in part due to his horrid decision making these past few months, but most of all she was mainly lost. It felt reminiscent of when she felt left out when Sara first joined the team. Lately she didn’t feel like a teammate anymore she felt like an employee. But no matter how hard she tried her team crawled into her heart and set up camp, much like they had done in her living room.

Diggle’s big frame was squished onto the small two person couch, his overnight bag functioning as a pillow and he was covered in a sweatshirt. Roy was curled up into the recliner seat head resting on the back of it, legs at an odd angle and wrapped tightly in his red hoodie. Felicity couldn’t help but silently coo at him then cringe at his position. Unable to help herself she moved silently to him and nudged his feet a bit so they didn’t look quite as cramped. Roy then shifted a bit and Felicity froze only for Roy to settle again with a sigh and continue snoring. She smiled and moved his hoodie up so he was warmer before hearing him mumble in his sleep and then his small snores continued.

Then she turned to the last occupant in the room. Oliver had shifted a bit since she came into the room and she was wary because she knew how much of a light sleeper he was. But still she took a moment to study him. He was sleeping on the floor, the small, garage sale coffee table had been moved to the side to accommodate his large frame, and he was resting on the pillows that had been on the couch and was wearing one of his grey hoodies and a pair of boxers but that was it and it made her wonder if he was cold. She knew he had survived an island and all and Las Vegas nights were usually hot, but her mother had a deal with the landlord and tended to blast the air conditioning because it kept her cool after working through the heat.

Before she could second guess her decision she moved back towards her room and grabbed a small blanket from off the shelf in the closet of her room and hurried back towards the living room, careful not to make a sound the entire time. Silently moving back to his prone form she carefully laid the blanket over top of him. He let out a quiet sigh as she stepped back to study him. He seemed calm but with the light shining through the thin curtains she could discern the ever present dark circles under his eyes although now they seemed more prominent and she wondered when the last time he slept was or ate.

Shaking her head at him she moved into the kitchen, hearing her stomach rumble, and went in search of a snack, unaware she was also noting if they had enough food, at least for breakfast, for more than two people.

Unbeknownst to her, as she turned her back and entered the kitchen one of them opened their eyes and watched her, not really asleep at all.

After she had gathered materials and made a small snack for herself she was debating on whether she should take the food to her room or eat it in the kitchen she heard a quiet “Hey,” behind her. Gripping the bowl tightly as not to drop it in surprise at being sneaked up on she turned and locked eyes with Oliver himself, wrapped up in a blanket and hair disheveled.

Setting the food back down on the counter she now avoided his eyes as she pushed her glasses, now returned to her face, back up her nose and although she didn’t notice Oliver smiled at the familiar gesture.

“Um thanks for the blanket,” Oliver said timidly seeming at a loss for words.

“Do you know it’s rude to sneak up on people,” Felicity huffed although not in the good natured way they usually had the same conversation.

Oliver’s small smile faltered for a moment and Felicity felt a spike of guilt hit her at the fact the she ruined one thing that was as rare as Oliver’s smiles. So she quickly continued with, “And yeah you looked cold so I figured I’d get you a blanket so you’re welcome,” she finished in a breath, biting her lip to cut off what she knew was the impending babble.

Oliver flashed her a small smile again before frowning and taking a tentative step towards her. He seemed wary but she could see the worry and a small part of anger in his eyes. She didn’t know what to make of that and she couldn’t go anywhere due to the fact that she was already against the counter so she avoided his eyes.

“What are you guys doing here-“

“Can we talk-“

They glanced at each other as they spoke at the same time and they both wouldn’t admit it but there was a spark of amusement in each other’s eyes.

But then Oliver’s face turned to confusion and he asked, “What do you mean what are we doing here? You went missing we were looking for you!” Oliver looked slightly pained as his voice turned to a harsh whisper. “We kind of got worried when you disappeared off the face of the planet. With the lives we lead we started to think the worst. What were you thinking?”

Felicity had felt guilty at the distress in his voice but he didn’t have to get so angry with her towards the end of his speech. “You didn’t have to go looking for me! I left Palmer Technologies I just needed a break!”

They didn’t realize it but their voices had raised silently and in the living room Diggle and Roy awoke to listen to the argument.

“You needed a break Felicity and you decided to not let anyone know where you were going? Your definition of a break is packing up your stuff and vanishing?”

“I didn’t ask you to come looking for me Oliver!”

At this Oliver looked as if she punched him in the gut. “You go missing and you honestly think we wouldn’t go out of our minds looking for you.”

Felicity let out a deep sigh and turned her back on him, grabbing her food and saying, “I honestly don’t know what to think lately Oliver.”

There was quiet for a moment and Diggle and Roy had gotten up to stand by the doorway of the kitchen.

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Oliver asked, whispering brokenly.

“I,” Felicity started feeling tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat. She never wanted to hurt them or for it to be like this. She never blamed them for anything that went wrong and god knows what kind of guilt they were feeling now as she practically told them she didn’t expect them to come for her at all.

She felt Oliver’s familiar hand on her arm as the tears fell and she swatted it away. She couldn’t do this right now.

“I just- I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it all right now okay,” she said quietly as she turned back to him and his kicked puppy look at that fact that she refused his touch. She wished she didn’t. She craved his touch always because it meant safety and comfort. At least before it did but now she was scared and she wasn’t ready to be hurt again. And she told them so.

“It’s just everything that’s happened these past few months I just don’t know anymore okay Oliver. About the team, about Starling, about us.” She said the last part so silently they almost didn’t catch it.

“I can’t explain it all right now and I’m just not ready to talk about it all anyways okay. Just everything that’s been going on you pushed me away, then left, then died, then came back which was so great, then you left again and after that promise you made me before…”

Oliver’s shoulders slumped and he seemed to deflate as he remembered the one she was talking about, the one where he swore never to leave her and he’s done that one too many times already so now she left instead.

“I just feel that we aren’t a team anymore Oliver, and you and this team are really all I have besides my mother so I had to leave. I have to find myself and figure myself out first before we can talk about anything else so please just give me space.” Her tears were coating her cheeks and falling onto her arms as she looked at her feet.

After a moment she heard Oliver give a strangled, “Okay,” and he stepped back, letting her rush out of the kitchen past them, slamming the door to her bedroom behind her again, leaving her alone in her room with her tears and the craving of Oliver’s warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took forever. They place where I’m staying’s wifi hasn’t been working that well as of late so I’ve been doing summer school work and writing. I’m dying with limited access but I’m managing. But the wifi should be running better soon so I hope to post again soon! Tell me what you think!  
> This work has no beta just me so if there are mistakes feel free to point them out if I didn’t catch them!


	13. Unluck Number 13 & A Bit of Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh it’s been too long but real life has been getting in the way a lot and stuff happened. Like getting stranded at the airport for a few extra hours on the flight back home… Anyway another reason this is so late is because I had some writers block and I knew this was going to be a big and important chapter so I wanted it to be perfect. It has a little bit of everything in here so I hope you love it(psst. Even jealous Oliver..)   
> Flashbacks/thoughts in italics.  
> Hope you enjoy. Or not… You’ll see…  
> (You’re so gonna hate me)

One week.

Well a bit more than one week but who was counting. One week of what Felicity wasn’t sure was either peace or torture.

She had gone through the week like she usually had the week before and the week before that but the only difference were the three new occupants that took over her mother’s living room. Her mother, as sweet as the woman was, still was oblivious to one of the deeper reasons to the unease between her and her team.

Her mother didn’t even know they were a team. But she also wasn’t sure which side she was on. Felicity figured her mother would take her side as a woman scorned and in a way she did, sometimes ignoring the other men in the apartment, letting them stay but giving them space. But there were also moments when her mother not-so-subtly dropped hints that she should talk with them.

They had all been civil and the boys had been respectful of the space she wanted to keep but she could always feel Oliver’s pained stares burning into her back, stinging like she had been left out in the sun too long. But she never looked him in the eye and the tension was stifling so her mother stopped being so subtle.

_“Honey I believe there may be a misunderstanding here somewhere.”_

_Felicity and her mother had been washing dishes, the others kicked out to get some air and pull their weight by picking up groceries for Donna. It also gave her mother enough time to strike up a conversation that she wasn’t sure she was ready for._

_“Mom it’s just complicated okay so drop it.” Felicity had mumbled back as she put all her focus on scrubbing food from the plate she was cleaning._

_She jumped though when a glass was slammed on the counter. “No Felicity,” her mother glowered, using that mothering yet captivating tone, making sure she had her daughters attention. “I know you and I know you and those men are keeping secrets. I don’t know everything or this whole situation and that’s fine. But again I know you and you are letting every insecurity rule your judgement and you are avoiding actually thinking about the problem.”_

_Her mother’s eyes softened. “I know that you’re hurt but avoiding acknowledging it doesn’t make it go away. Heck avoiding it makes three very attractive men show up at my door not looking for me, no looking for you! Here to do everything in their power to try and make whatever brought you here better.”_

_Felicity stood staring at her mother in shock at her words finally processing everything that has happened since Diggle, Roy, and Oliver showed up. But then the pain in her heart worsened and she felt scared all over again thinking about it and her fears crawling back towards her heart whispering to her, telling her to hide, to protect herself first and that she didn’t need anyone like him any longer._

_Her mother must have seen something in her eyes and so she delivered the killing blow of, “Oliver Queen is not your father.”_

_The plate that Felicity was still holding clattered into the sink, most likely breaking, but she paid it no mind, as she couldn’t even see it, as tears filled her eyes and she was surrounded by the loving scent of her mother. Her mother patted her head, shushing her softly as they melted to the floor together and mother held daughter, wanting nothing more than to protect her from the evils of the world but knowing her daughter grew up a long time ago and learned a lot the hard way. The only thing she could do now is hold her, reassure her that not everyone in the world is bad, and revel in the fact that her daughter now knows her mother will always be there for her no matter what._

_Felicity’s tears slowed as she was still enveloped in her mother’s arms and started doing what she did best, or worst depending on the way you looked at it. She talked._

_Her words may not have been understandable to most in her tear filled haze but she told her mother what she could._

_Oliver and she always had been dancing around each other and he had told her he loved her._

_They had gone on an amazing date that ended in disaster and Oliver blamed himself and pushed her away._

_He then kissed her._

_One of her only close girlfriends was murdered and Oliver drew away more._

_She got a new job and her boss had kissed her then ran the other way._

_Oliver had said he loved her again._

_Oliver had **died**._

_But then he actually didn’t and he made an idiotic decision and then she walked away._

_Oliver left again and she couldn’t take it._

_Then she slept with her boss and he was so invested in his “work” (Felicity in her pain still kept Ray’s secret of his suit) it was like that night never happened._

_And she and Oliver weren’t the same and Felicity thought it would be better for it but it hurt. It hurt so much more because she had him before even if they weren’t together but now he pushed her away and she pushed too and ran. And it hurt so much worse now because he was here but he wasn’t and she was just wallowing in the pain because she did what she never ever wanted to do to someone she cared for. She ran._

_No matter what was between them, disagreements or rifts or ignoring the connection between them, he was still always her friend and she ran, throwing that in his face instead of forcing each other to talk about it like adults._

_Her worst fear was coming true not that Oliver would be her father but that she was._

_More tears fell as the pain came roaring back at that realization and she sat shaking on the floor as her mother did her best to console her._

_“Now listen here Felicity,” her mother demanded in a hard voice, taking her face and forcing her to look Donna in the eyes._

_“Oliver Queen is not your father,” she repeated. “And neither are you. I know I said once before that every time I look at you I see your father but I was wrong. What I see when I look at you is a strong independent woman who survived a lot and still remained her own person through it all. I see a little girl who I watched grow up way too fast and was way too smart and good for the world around her but never knew it because she saw the best in every single person. Even the man who abandoned her in the dead of night. What I see is a girl who ran to protect herself because for once in your life Felicity you thought of yourself.” Donna wiped her cheeks as tears fell harder at her mother’s words._

_“And that’s okay honey,” she whispered. “That’s okay. You wanted to put yourself first and that’s what you did and no one can fault you for that ever after everything you’ve been through. But you know what else I see? A girl who is so in love with a man who traveled across the country ready to tear apart Vegas to find her. There aren’t a lot of people out there who have someone that wrapped around their finger.”_

_Donna smiled even as Felicity started to correct her. “Mom there isn’t anything between us that’s the point.”_

_“Honey please you’re so wrapped up in your love for him yet combined with your insecurities you’re oblivious to the fact that he looks at you the same way you look at him the first time I met him. He looks at you like you are his entire world.”_

_“Mom,” Felicity said rolling her eyes through the waterworks. “You don’t even know Oliver. You met him for like ten seconds.”_

_“And I knew it in five. What I see is two people who look at each other with so much love but are so blind one of these days you’re both going to lose your chance. Forever this time. I know you’re both scared and I don’t have all the details on why but what you need to know is that you both need to talk and work this out. Say everything you need to say and spend as much time together as you can for however long you can. Because life is short and you never know what’s going to happen next. Wouldn’t you both rather have those memories rather than your last memories be of each other walking away? Never even trying?”_

_Donna paused to take a breath, tears falling down her own cheeks as she watched the vulnerable look in her daughter’s eyes. “Sweetheart love is, love is complicated. Love is a mess. Love is beautiful and it’s also the most painful thing in the world. But the biggest thing love is, is risk. It hurts now but wouldn’t you rather take the risk with your heart and discover the beauty of your love? Or would you rather not take a chance and fear the hurt that may never come again? That maybe if you spoke up and were honest about the fears you had, you may find that Oliver has his own fears? And wouldn’t it be better if you two fought them together?”_

_Felicity sat silently as her tears started to dry mulling over her mother’s words, hearing them over and over again in her head. She was stronger that what she had become lately she could do this she could pull herself back together and she could push her insecurities aside and talk to Oliver. She knew that no matter what happened Oliver would be there with her, he always was no matter their relationship status. She was better than her fears, she always was, and after these storm filled weeks she wasn’t going to let them dictate her life any more._

_She slid from her mother’s arms standing tall and wiping her face. A new resolve and a new mindset now. She turned towards her mother and smiled in thanks and nodded her understanding just as she heard the front door open._

_Her eyes widened in panic. She may be ready to talk but not now. She wanted to get her thoughts in order as she ran back to the sanctuary of her room closing the door behind her._

That had been a couple of days ago and although she felt better she still wasn’t sure how to initiate the talk with Oliver. But she was getting better and the others noticed too. She had breakfast with them and made small talk and then went to work, had lunch with them made small talk, went back to work and the cycle continued.

She just never knew when the right time was to discuss things with Oliver much less what to talk about first. But she was rebuilding bridges with him; she smiled more and occasionally there were the tentative touches and of course the small talk. And as if he could tell she wasn’t ready to talk about the big stuff yet he never pushed past that and for that she was grateful.

Right now she was at an outside table on her lunch break in the blistering heat but she didn’t mind much. She thought she was meeting Roy, Diggle, and Oliver today but as she saw the lone man walking towards her for lunch her stomach sank. No avoiding this either.

“Hey,” she said as he came and sat down alone, the others nowhere in sight for lunch, across from her at the table.

The man’s kind eyes and face crinkled as he smiled warmly. “Hey Felicity,” John replied.

“So no others today?” Felicity asked innocently already aware that Dig may have convinced them to stay so they could talk first. No easy feat but if anyone else could do it he could.

“No I wanted to come alone,” He replied the look in his eyes showing her he was aware of her avoidance tactics.

“Oh really? Why?” Felicity asked already knowing the answer but playing oblivious all the same.

It didn’t work. It definitely didn’t work.

Diggle sat pressing his lips together in a show of stubbornness, waiting her out to talk to him.

Felicity sighed in defeat placing her cool drink down on the table, as she had been holding it to fend off the heat.

“What do you want to talk about John,” Felicity mumbled.

“You know very well what I want to talk about Felicity,” John said in that big brother voice of his, but ever the patient man he didn’t sound angry just hurt. “Why don’t you start with why you left.”

Felicity sighed and explained how things had started to get to be too much.

“Felicity we all need time off now and then which is fine but it’s another thing to have us running around the city thinking the worst case scenario because you decided to disappear.”

Felicity flinched a bit at his ire, never meaning to make them worry but in her haze of anger and insecurities she had believed they wouldn’t care and Diggle sighed as he realized this too.

Never one to beat around the bush he continued. “But what you really mean is that things have gotten too intense with Oliver. And not the good kind of intense,” Diggle said, adding the quip to the end hoping to crack a smile out of his friend but instead got nothing, as she continued to stir her drink with her straw avoiding eye contact.

“Felicity!” Felicity jumping at his tone looked up at his pained face.

“We were scared Felicity and-“

“I’m sorry for making you worry John.” Felicity interrupted the guild eating her up.

“I don’t want your apology Felicity I get why you did it and I don’t resent you for wanting to leave. But we all care for you, maybe not the same way you and Oliver care for each other, but we care all the same and so we all worried when you decided to pack up and vanish okay?”

Diggle finished in a soft voice watching her as she avoided eye contact at the mention of her and Oliver.

Felicity sighed and said, “I am sorry for making you worry then and Oliver and I-“

Felicity stopped trying to find her words, having the same problem here that she had been having all week whenever she decided to talk to Oliver about things.

“Oliver and I we have always had something and I know that but with everything around us changing so much I felt as if I wasn’t needed for anything more than tech support. And I can be so much more than that but that’s what it seemed like everyone around me wanted me to be and be that only. It was starting to get irritating,” she huffed. “And then after Oliver dying and coming back and Malcom Merlyn and our disagreements things just seemed to get worse between us and nothing was acknowledged and it got frustrating. Things were different between us, cold and distant and we weren’t the same so I felt we both needed space to do our own thing. And then he left again and that didn’t go down so well either before he left. So I needed to think of myself first and if that meant getting away from Starling then that’s what I told myself I needed to do. I needed time to myself to figure out where I stand now. And then you guys show up and kinda ruin my space.”

Felicity mock glared but Diggle’s face was blank and she wasn’t sure what he was thinking until he spoke.

“Felicity were you really thinking about your place on the team or were you actually running from the uncertainty to avoid it?”

Felicity’s mouth dropped open at his bluntness and tried to look away as tears gathered in her eyes. This was turning a bit into the conversation she had with her mother but unlike with her mother Diggle was having her confront her feelings about herself and not just her feelings about Oliver. And she did not want to cry out here in public.

Diggle’s voice turned softer as he continued. “I’m not saying this to hurt you. You’re a sister to me and I never want to hurt you but I want you to think about this. I know you have your fears and you ran and sometimes people need that but another thing you need to think about is you have family that will do anything for you out in Starling for you as well. A family that believes whole heartedly in you and your skills and never doubt you. We trust you with our lives and we love you so we would do anything to get you back to repay a fraction of what you do for us every day.”

The tears weren’t holding back now as she cried listening to John’s heartfelt words. She nodded as he whispered again that they were just…worried.

He stood up handing her a tissue and looking at her watch she was surprised to see her lunch break was almost over.

John smiled softly again and said,” We’ve discussed this Felicity that Oliver’s an idiot. But he loves you and you love him and I think you both know that. And I also think your both ready to take that next step. Whenever your ready though talk to him. He’ll be there.”

Diggle started to walk away before turning back to her and she looked up at his parting words.

“You’re irreplaceable Felicity, I told you that and I wouldn’t lie to you.” He smiled before turning again and disappearing down the street and around the corner.

Felicity shook herself out of her stupor before wiping her eyes and heading back inside for the rest of her shift.

She certainly had more to think about now. But one thing she knew is that she felt a bit better about herself now than she felt a week ago.

* * *

 

Even though things had been better with everyone this week another bright spot of her week had been Jason. He was in the restaurant every day now, he never came to the bar there to drink or the casino there to gamble he just came to have a meal and talk to her.

He said she looked lonely and always wanted to come talk to her. A part of her thought it was incredibly sweet and he was still a bit shy just like in high school so she thought it was great of him to admit that. Another part of her brain which had met Malcom Merlyn, Isabelle Rochev, and Slade Wilson was uneasy at his constant appearances and told her something wasn’t right. But she pushed those thoughts aside with the reassurance that Jason was nice and harmless and didn’t carry some death inducing drug around or three foot long sword. That part of her brain told her she needed to stop being so distrustful of people and that she knew Jason and that she would be fine.

Today he came again and because it was cooler now he was sitting outside at the farthest table. It was a slow day so unless other customers came she was free to have her daily chat with him. Usually they talked about the basic things like how had their day been and what the family was up to. Sometimes she felt that Jason got intrusive with some questions but she quickly avoided them by giving vague answers. He was nice in high school but others weren’t and she wasn’t sure she wanted anyone finding out more about her life in Starling.

She was laughing at a joke he had said when his eyes widened slightly and a shadow fell over their table. Felicity was confused and turned looking behind her, having to crane her neck to make out the face above her with the light of the sun behind him.

“Oliver?”

“Hey Felicity,” he said uneasily coming around to stand at the side of the table, his hands in his pockets and shuffling his feet nervously, glancing stiffly at the other figure at the table.

“Oh!” Felicity realized she should probably make introductions. “Oliver this is Jason my science partner from high school and Jason this is Oliver um Oliver.”

She bit her lip to keep her babble at bay as she stopped and didn’t know what Oliver was to her at the moment. But Jason flinched at what he was to her but then neither man seemed to notice her slip up as they shook hands both squeezing more than necessary.

“So Oliver what are you doing here,” she asked recovering and trying to keep her voice neutral.

Oliver blinked turning his attention back to her and completely ignoring Jason. “Um I was wondering, you know since it’s almost your dinner break and all, that if you wanted to have dinner and maybe we could talk? Or just have dinner if that’s what you want I mean that’s fine too. Dinner I mean.”

Felicity let out a small giggle internally surprised at her reaction but replied with, “I thought I was the one that usually spoke in sentence fragments.”

Oliver’s shoulders seemed to relax and she smiled as she realized they were getting back to their usual banter which warmed her from the inside out.

Until the moment was interrupted.

Oliver’s eyes seemed to heat slightly in anger and Felicity was confused until she realized her wrist was being shook slightly and she glanced over at Jason, who was trying to get her attention, and lost eye contact with Oliver.

“Um actually Felicity I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me?” Jason asked and he seemed nervous and Felicity remembered she was having a great conversation with him before Oliver came. But she felt like she was ready to talk to Oliver now.

Before she could open her mouth though to politely decline Oliver The Idiot had to make decisions for her, the one thing she hates him doing.

“I asked her first,” and only after he said it did Oliver wince, realizing how childish it sounded.

“Well we were already here before you showed up,” Jason retorted back.

Felicity opened her mouth to interrupt but had trouble getting a word in edgewise.

“Well you could always leave,” Oliver growled stepping closer to him.

“That’s enough! Maybe I won’t have dinner with either of you today,” She huffed at them frustrated that they were acting like children.

She stood up pushing her chair in, deciding that she would get back to work early and skip lunch but first, “Oliver a word?”

They walked a bit away from the restaurant towards the mouth of the ally next to it. If need be Felicity knew she could just go back in through the back entrance way through the door in the ally.

Oliver was looking down, shuffling his feet knowing he probably messed up his chance to talk to her ever. Getting ready to apologize, beg if need be, he opened his mouth but this time Felicity beat him to it.

“What was that Oliver? Did you really have to do that? I was going to say no, I would be happy to have dinner with you today but then you had to go in all high and mighty acting like a child and making decisions for me! Why would you treat him like that?”

“Well- I’m- I’m sorry Felicity I shouldn’t have done that it wasn’t fair to you and I’m sorry.”

Felicity seemed to deflate which Oliver was happy for but then she said, “That still doesn’t answer my question Oliver. Why did you snap at him he did nothing to you he just planned on asking me to dinner as well.”

Oliver shifted his weight knowing his answer wouldn’t suffice. He could tell her he didn’t like anyone else looking at her like that or her going out to dinner, or any meal, with others. But she would slap him. But the main reason in that moment was, “I don’t trust him. I know that may not be a good answer but he just seemed off to me right then so I just got protective.” He was going to say defensive but she would know what he really meant and wouldn’t appreciate him lying but she also wouldn’t appreciate his protectiveness now.

Felicity sighed rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Oliver I can take care of some guy asking me out on a date I don’t need your protection. I can take care of myself especially if someone asks me out.”

Oliver flinched at that but nodded all the same.

“What I don’t need is you ‘defending my honor’ by acting like a child in public. I was fine Oliver,” Felicity said realizing her voice was rising and she was getting irrationally angry and she realized it was all of her frustrations about Oliver coming out now.

“You never trust anyone Oliver and you have no reason to do that and- oh, oh no wait-“Now her mouth had done it and she stops realizing she had just completely disregarded his _five years away where he was forced to do who knows what and was usually tortured and hurt and forced to be on the run in return_ and Felicity felt her heart constrict as she realized that was reason enough not to trust others that you don’t know easily.

“Oh no Oliver wait I didn’t mean it like that I just meant…” But she trailed off looking towards him only to find his face blank and closed off, lacking the emotion, any emotion even being upset, that she had worked so hard to get him to show over the years. She knew he was hurt, who wouldn’t be after what she just said but she felt it was different than the hurt he had shown when she ran off to Vegas.

That was without words or warning just disappearing.

But with her words now, with the shuttered look on his face, she felt that she made the already ever present, yet never acknowledged, damage more evident.

She felt she just ruined everything they ever had by disregarding his past entirely. She never saw him as broken but he saw himself as damaged and she did everything to convince him otherwise but she had told him just now that his inability to trust was the last straw.

This was so now how she wanted their talk to go.

She felt terrible and she felt worse as he turned and stomped away, mumbling something about needing space or air, throwing her words from once before back in her face delivering the killing blow.

She wanted to run after him but frozen in shock of how much she hurt him, of realizing how much she was able to hurt him, she was unable to kept locked in place.

And because of that in the fading light of the street just before the sun had set and the lights that had come off in the city of light came back on she was grabbed from behind. Caught by surprise she struggled for a moment as she was dragged into the mouth of the ally.

She kept struggling but it was fruitless as she hit her head on the wall she was thrown into and was left to wallow in the stabbing guilt of her words until the darkness took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I will admit I totally cried at some parts writing this and just wow okay then.  
> I personally liked to think 13 was a nice number…   
> No beta so if you see a mistake feel free to tell me and tell me what you thought of this chapter! I really hope you enjoyed and I will not be this behind on posting next time because we are close to the end and I wouldn’t want to wait that long after a cliffhanger…  
> (also another reminder the last like three chapters have been set in the timeline of like two and a half weeks so there is a time gap there incase people got confused or thought things were moving too fast)  
> Tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it for now. More soon I swear. Please tell me what you think and im just gonna do my disclaimer now so I wont have to again.  
> I don't own anything except my original ideas.  
> If I did there would be a lot less explosions.  
> At Italian restaurants.  
> With my OTP inside.


End file.
